How to avoid singing the wedding blues after your big day

Who gets invited to your nuptials – and who doesn’t – is a social nightmare. India Sturgis takes advice

Modern weddings: they’re enough to drive you to divorce. Not so long ago, getting hitched consisted of a simple ceremony, followed by a reception that saw everyone home by tea time. By contrast, today’s nuptials are nothing without a week-long stag or hen do and a social media hashtag.

Last week, Country Life called for an end to the madness. According to the magazine, 21st-century weddings have turned into “the nuptial equivalent of an arms race”.

The trend for lavish weddings also extends to the guest list.

Where once a few family members and old friends shared a couple’s big day, the modern do can boast upwards of 150 guests.

Country Life advises “quality over quantity” – but that is no mean feat.

Do you adopt the “no ring, no bring” rule reportedly favoured by Pippa Middleton and her hedge fund manager fiancé James Matthews, who are to wed next month?

Their ban on unmarried or unengaged partners is already being flouted by Prince Harry’s girlfriend Meghan Markle, who, sources say, is set to attend the reception.

But this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to wedding guestiquette.

We asked high-society wedding planner Mark Niemierko, who designed actor James Corden’s nuptials, for clarification.

According to hitched.co.uk, the average British wedding has between 75 and 100 guests, though we’ve been to nuptials with upwards of 200.

Niemierko advises that “the best events are small”. So be ruthless. “Keeping it intimate ensures everyone in the room knows each other and the atmosphere will be amazing.” Even Debrett’s takes a strong line: “The process of choosing guests is not about returning favours.”

One of the trickiest dilemmas is whether your friends should be able to bring their girlfriend or boyfriend – especially if you’ve never met them. You could, like Middleton, introduce a “no ring, no bring” rule.

“I love it,” says Niemierko. “It is perfectly acceptable.”

Etiquette coach William Hanson suggests imposing a requirement for an 18-month relationship.

Dream on. Even if you have to cluster 13 people round a table, uninviting is an impossibility once invites have gone out. “You can’t ever do that, it is really rude,” says Niemierko. -