STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Women reveal stories of men’s betrayal, abuse and narrow escapes
This is first part of a three-series package Sowetan is running on the issue of women abuse at the hands of the men they loved. Reporting by Mothusi Masemola and Pertunia Mafokwane, and pictures by Thulani Mbele
Homeless women at Frida Hartley shelter in Yeoville, Johannesburg, where slain Karabo Mokoena was a volunteer, all have one thing in common – they were betrayed by men they loved and trusted.
“It is always the men that bring the women to the centres. It is men that they trusted. It always involves some form of violence and abuse,” said the shelter’s manager, Cheryl Hlabane.
In the buzzing reception women from different backgrounds get ready for work, look after their babies and do their chores.
Melinda* was instantly struck by Mokoena in their only meeting early this year.
“When I first met her, I was amazed by her. She spoke sense,” Melinda said.
“I told Cheryl that I wanted her to be my mentor because of the kind of person she was. When we heard of the passing of Karabo we were not fine. We all wanted more of Karabo.”
Melinda is 23 and has been at childcare facilities since she was young.
“I was 12 when my mom passed away. After I turned 20 the childcare home could not look after me any more so I moved into another one that was suitable for adults.
“It was really not fine there, so I met a boyfriend who I later moved in with. After a while of living with him he started locking me in when he would go to work.
“Then later he would get violent, slap and punch me on my face if I had not cooked or washed for him. One evening when he was drinking with his friends outside and they were sending me around to serve them, I decided this is my chance to run away. I left with nothing but the clothes I was wearing. I later moved to Frida Hartley shelter to try to finish school so I can have a better life for myself.”
Melinda is now studying a course in tourism at a technical college.
The second survivor of physical abuse Sowetan spoke to was Lerato*, who arrived at the centre a week ago. She said she was housed at iKhaya Lethemba, Braamfontein, since August.
“I arrived here [at Frida Hartley] because my time had expired at iKhaya Lethemba. I moved to iKhaya Lethemba after my boyfriend, who I met in Mpumalanga, threatened to kill me and I realised that one day he would really kill me. He used to drink a lot and once he hit me with a bottle on my head and I had to go to hospital,” Lerato said.
“The day I left he had insisted that I do not take the children to creche because he did not want me to leave the house. My daughter asked him for the keys to go to the bathroom because she was pressed. That is how I managed to escape and went to the police, who found me a shelter.”
She had met her boyfriend in Mpumalanga after leaving Eastern Cape to live with an aunt.
“I met him in 2008. He would look after me, so I dropped out of school. We then had two children. We later moved to Braamfischerville in Soweto for his work.
“I could not go home or leave when he was hitting me because my mom left me when I was young, while my dad died when I was young as well. Doctors have said I suffer from bipolar because of the situation I went through,” she said.
Peggy *, who also lives at the centre, said she suffered verbal and emotional abuse. “My mom passed away and left us with our stepdad when I was 19. I later lost everything that I had after my employer got liquidated.
“I met the father of my child in 2014. He rented out a place for me and later we moved in together, because he did not like my friends and my lifestyle. Then he started being possessive. He would insist on dropping me off [at work] and I thought this was love, I thought he did not want me to use taxis. Then one day everything changed and I had to move out,” Peggy said.
“I told him I was pregnant and we decided that I must come up to Johannesburg. I came to Park Station and he left me stranded. I had to sleep with other men just to feed my child. I decided to go to the centre to restart my life. I am now positive and am looking for work.”
* Not their real names