Sleeping up or down, men must account for cheating
It’s rather futile to try and understand why married men cheat as the reasons can be quite varied and utterly complex to comprehend, but the overriding factor is that because they can, they will.
I recently watched a comedy show by US comedian Eddie Griffin that reminded me about the complicity that many of us can be a part of when we find out that a man is cheating with a partner who is more superior than their spouse.
It is something I once overheard the check-out counter girl at a food retailer lamenting about while serving me and simultaneously looking over my shoulder and having an uninterrupted conversation with her friend.
“Chomi what makes it worse is that this girl is rich. How do I compete with that?” she said.
Griffin put it more simply. Apparently society is more kinder to married men who sleep up than those who sleep down when it comes to infidelity. I am being polite with my use of words because this is a family newspaper as Griffin crudely used the big F word to explain this phenomenon. According to him, Tiger Woods’ brand started taking a hammering long before the alleged drunken driving charges he is currently mired in.
If you can recall Woods’ clean cut image took a tumble when he was said to have had a car crash in 2009 after his wife Elin Nordegren took a swig at him with his gold club. The wife was incensed by revelations of his affairs that were published in the papers at the time.
For most of 2009, brand Tiger Woods diminished as many women came forward claiming they had affairs with him. But Griffin says his mistake was cheating on his beautiful wife with ugly women.
Apparently you infuriate the person that you are cheating on by hooking up with someone they think is beneath them. Whether in beauty, education or wealth stakes, you are more likely to be forgiven and your reasons for doing so understood if you cheated with someone more beautiful, educated or wealthier than your wife.
As ridiculous as it sounds and taking the responsibility away completely from the cheat, one of the frequently asked questions the wife has beyond how many times did you have sex with her, is specific details about the other lady’s looks and status. In enquiring about these details, many women work themselves up on their insecurities. Instead of acknowledging that we all have imperfections and marriage is not a contest based on that, the poor wives will in the process blame themselves for their husband’s cheating.
Couples trying to pick up the pieces after infidelity should, while acknowledging their part in their not-so-perfect relationship, not deflect from the major intervention that is needed.
This is to interrogate the person who has cheated and to set new standards of expectations that are needed from them to discourage them from having an entitlement of having their cake and eating it.