Let’s talk about money and avoid strains on personal and business relationships
Openness about cash issues frees us to love one another properly
Do you know what I miss most about being a child? It is the ignorance, the kind that allows you a state of perpetual bliss.
My nephew Modisha who is nine, got into a bit of trouble last year which required for his mother to make financial reparations.
When she explained to him that he would have to forfeit his birthday party because the money was now going to be diverted, he asked why his mother could not just go to the ATM and get the money.
Glorious childhood, when you knew of a thing called money, you sort of knew that it made things happen; but its inception, accumulation and loss thereof were not really things that concerned you.
Over and above this though, is that as a child you have no idea of just how corrosive and corrupting money is. It can be like acid that drips slowly from a bottle and finds its way into friendships, marriages, and governments of countries, leaving in its wake scars, sometimes fatal, and cracks that can never be mended.
My observation is that most of the corrosion, especially in personal relationships, stems from our reluctance to set rules around money. We very easily set rules on most other things, but very seldom with money. In the same way we teach people how to treat us, we must teach them how to treat our money.
I tend to be a bit of an insufferable know-it-all and can be quite a difficult person to advise. However from time to time I do listen, and when I do, I take it in, reflect and should I find that it sits well with me, I run with it and never look back.
My former boss, who has taught me a lot, said to me once: “Thabiso, always talk about the money first, in business and in personal relationships, get the money issues out of the way.”
I have mastered the business part, but keep failing in personal relationships.
We take it for granted that we all have the same money language, which I have found can be quite as different and varied as love languages. The truth is we really don’t. Especially because some people tend to settle into receivers and never give, which can breed resentment in the long run.
When you are in a relationship,
‘‘ Money should not be taboo; when we talk about it we take back its power
serious or not, a simple thing like who buys the condoms and when can ruin things if not spoken about and agreed on.
“Black tax” is something a lot of young professionals live with. And while one does want to help take care of their family, have you had the conversation with your family around their expectations and your ability to meet them?
If not, you can’t blame people for believing that you are a never ending well of money.
Defining your limits and setting rules around your own money should not break relationships, if anything it ought to make them stronger. It may cause a little discomfort at first, but it will be well worth it in the long run. There is no rule that says that it is okay to be inconvenienced because you love someone, and money -induced inconveniences tend to be hard and painful.
We need to stop making money such a taboo. For us as black people, I imagine that the historical shame of not having money and having our dignity so wrapped up in it could be a factor. We find it difficult to have necessary money conversations because we do not want to shame the other person. We need to unlearn this for the sake of our mental and financial health.
If we don’t, we allow money an unnecessary space in our relationships, when we talk about it we take back its power; and the sooner that is done, the sooner we can get back to the business of loving each other.