My son (19) wants his girlfriend to sleep over

The only girl who will sleep here is my future makoti

My 19-year-old son thinks that I am unreasonable by not allowing him to let his girlfriend sleep in our home. I am of the view that the only young lady who will sleep under my roof is the one he would be willing to marry, but he insists I have outdated views and this is driving a wedge between us. Am I unreasonable?

MOM replies:

Your son is a teenager and probably thinks you are very ignorant right now. One day he will appreciate your strictness.

Parents and teenagers usually differ on how they view the world. You and your son are no exception. Your house, your rules! That seems reasonable enough.

Boitumelo replies:

Children, even young adults, don’t realise that every time they bring someone new for the parents to meet, the parents also form a certain connection with that person, which usually involves some emotional investment.

That connection can bring complications for them in the next relationship because though you separated with your ex they might still be in love with them. For that reason, it’s advisable to always consider if that relationship is worth bringing to your parents’ home. However, as a parent you always assess the risk of your decisions, then take the best decision with the believe that your children will one day understand.

It may also help to make your son understand why you value certain things, including what you allow and disallow.