Nation never stood a chance against Zunami
Give a dog a bad name ...
Vera and her colleagues were caught up in a discussion of how some names – in the Sotho or Nguni derivatives of the Good Book – ended up completely different from the English version, or the English versions also completely different from the originals.
The chat was sparked by Vera’s mention last week of Namba Wan’s delusional desire to write a tell-all book. A newspaperman of unquestionable integrity has given the phantom scripture a biblical title, The Book of Jacob.
Journalists being journalists – sticking their noses in where they are seldom welcome – a colleague googled the meaning of Jacob. “Holder of the heel” or “supplanter”, because he twice deprived his brother of his rights as the firstborn son (see Genesis 27:36).” Déjà vu. We have been had over and over by this supplanter, it’s not funny.
Name your poison
There is no denying the parents, or whoever came up with Namba Wan’s “pass” names – mabitso a mo paseng – could see deep into the noisy bundle of joy.
Now throw that together with Gedleyihlekisa and you have a more than potent combination.
We were never ready
Now we understand how Thibos was smoked in Polokwane – he stood no chance, nor did the nation at large as we were all to discover soon thereafter.
Disappearing act
Vera noticed how the man couldn’t stomach the evolving lyrics of the song meant to carry The Ex to state house? “We are ready...”, they sing, but substitute Nkosazana with Ramaphosa at a crucial point.
The Ncuntla fellow was having none of it. He ducked neatly into Angola as S’dumo pretended to lead a march against state capture.
Vera knows this Angola thing was just a ruse, the man disappeared down the hole in Nkandla.
Ever the one to look at the brighter side, Vera is grateful he has found good use for the bunker.
You see, once he vanishes into the ground, Namba Wan becomes gainfully employed because he keeps busy, counting his stash.
Vera has it on good authority that the counting always hits a snag at “seven hundred and thousand and sixtynine...” When he reaches that point, he starts afresh...
I smell a rat...
Onkgopotse JJ Tabane, Vera sees you.
First, you need to go to the Ndaweni Mahlangu School of Politics if you
need to tell a fib like that.
The radio man was in the Republiek van Weskaap for a chat about tourism with the minister when it became clear his guest was a noshow. JJ remarked that in hindsight, he should have also invited the premier. But Vera knows why he had no appetite to invite the madam; Godzille let slip a week ago that she showers after three days. We get JJ, Vera is sure she too wouldn’t stand the stench.
Glimmer of hope
Baroka goalkeeper Oscarine would have won that goal of the year award had he listened when Vera advised him to open The Overhead Church of St Oscarine The Great, after he scored that miracle goal against Orlando Pirates Tennis Club.
He would simply have ordered the faithfools to vote nonstop for him, thus denying Shabba that award.
Now that the goal is shortlisted for the global Puskas Award, Vera still has faith... Satafricans, let’s vote for our own