Silly season more like Halloween in politricks
Rattling closets
Vera warned a few weeks ago that, this being the silly season in our politricks, expect the unexpected and some smallernyana skeletons Badakiwe warned us about to suddenly spring to life.
But even Vera was startled by Buffalo’s confession of what was in his closet. You see, we have all been waiting for the second instalment of Steve the Apologist’s chronicles on the Buffalo Bull’s infamous escapades with them ladies, since the first one was a damp squib.
Who the cap fits...
It wasn’t the juicy type of news many would anticipate to come out of Cereal’s closet but there he was, with more than a glint in the eye, as he declared to the gathered faithfool at the Real MK conference at the weekend that he has an MK uniform in his wardrobe back home.
It is a hand-me-down he got when he visited the guerillas in camp shortly after he was elected secretary-general of the ANC in the early 1990s.
Good thing, that spending a few hours in a military camp didn’t give him delusions of grandeur.
Fong kong Che Guevaras
Vera knows of many peacetime revolutionaries who are playing war games today simply because they could land their paws on fake army fatigues and some faded berets.
We have fellas running around here calling themselves commander in chief.
Enter the spoiler
Vera is in no mood to ask our Buffalo Soldier why he has not been seen in the uniform in public.
Ever the capitalist, Buffalo must have been hoarding the ragtag army uniform in the mistaken belief that it would be worth something one day.
The game was going well until someone spoiled the broth, and who else would that be but the Cook?
The man with more than one stump made sure of that by devaluing the MK uniform with his bornfree make-believe guerillas in their buy-one-get-three free fake guerilla fatigues. Remember when he summoned those to come and guard Luthuli House against the mighty DA army led by the Garden Boy?
Disappearing act
Vera asked a colleague at the MK gig to have his eyes peeled for the Cook and his apron Des – who would surely not miss this special weekend to hang around old comrades.
The two were nowhere to be seen, and it did not take us long to figure out why. Phela, the congregated were real soldiers who braved the enemy and diced with death, fighting for our freedom.
Vera isn’t sure the same can be said of the Cook and Des van Weekend Special. Being there would have reminded him of his days back in the camps when he was ordered around, running errands for real soldiers – besides his main job of cooking.
Shrinking violet
Vera gets it. Anybody who knows he was going to be put firmly in his place like that would rather shrink like ... uuhm that member of his that he put on national view in that photo he posed for in a hotel room.
What’s that noise?
Ever wondered why Razz has been making so much geraas lately?
The poor chap was trying to muffle the noises coming from his closet. That’s always a futile exercise, especially in a country like South Africa, full of tjatjarag people.
But it would take much more than crushing balls and making people drink urine to remove the stink of a smallernyana skeleton whose time had come, Fiks.
It crept out of the closet anyway and with it came a bill from Dubai, leaving Razz inconceivably speechless. He secured himself a radio interview where he tried to spin the tale so much he ended up entangled in a spaghetti of half truths, half denials and anything in-between.