Find ways to solve problems as a family before involving outsiders
No one is immune from misfortune
My husband and I have had a terrible spell of bad luck. Our daughter was raped two years ago by a family acquaintance and I went on to be retrenched last year, while his business has lost two major clients in the last three months. He is convinced the devil has entered our home and wants us to consult an inyanga, which I am highly uncomfortable with, and this is causing us to fight. How can you help? Boitumelo replies:
It is common that when things don’t go right we get overwhelmed and tend to blame external forces like witchcraft, jealousy, the devil etc as a way of trying to make sense of the situation.
However, life is not perfect or smooth-sailing, rather a roller-coaster ride with ups and downs and no one is immune from the downs.
It is okay and normal to feel overwhelmed and helpless when everything seems to be going down. Encourage him to look at things in that way, a challenge that the family has to rise from. Rather than discouraging him about the inyanga, show that you understand where he is coming from but would like the family to focus on supporting each other – as a family – before involving other people.
MOM replies
If you want peace and progress in your home, you need to surrender to your husband. If consulting an inyanga is making you uncomfortable, let him do it by himself. Request not to participate but do offer your support.
Sometimes as women we make life difficult at home by wanting to control everything. He may be right, he may be wrong, but you will never know unless you loosen your grip.
■ Tshenkeng is a clinical psychologist, e-mail her on: tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com Mahlobo is a seduction expert, e-mail her on: mandisamahlobo@gmail.com