Dance-off should decide Day Zero hero
Day Zero all our lives
Now that the people in the affluent sections of Kaapstad get to experience what 90% – touch wood – of the people of this country experienced at one point or the other in their lives – they think it’s a crisis. Yes, it is still very much Day Zero for millions of our countrymen and women out there and people should bear with some of us getting a tad impatient with that much ado about nothing in the Madam’s Republiek. And did you all see the Madam trying to do this darkie thing, rather unconvincingly, with a basin at her feet, saying she was bathing in a skotlolo? Haai, suk’ uclaima. That gave Vera an idea.
In the face of joblessness we see all around us, and most certainly in those unfortunate areas of die Wes Kaap, we could turn this thing of the madam and her ilk’s imitation of the darkie experience into a tourist attraction – botox toes and all.
Bring the popcorn
Vera felt like pulling out a camp chair and popcorn this week to watch the cat fight between the Madam and that makoya kasi mshoza – Mama Action herself.
They both reckon they have a better plan than the other around the Cape water crisis.
Vera has what she thinks is a brilliant idea that will decide the duel once and for all – a dance competition entailing the vosho dance.
Now that the Madam has had some experience with the skotlolo, she may have had enough practice to do the taxing dance manoeuvre.
And the winner is...
It will also put to test Somgaga’s theory that us darkies should all know how to do the move, since we have all done the skotlolo bath.
So girls, whoever does the dance the way it’s meant to be gets to run this water campaign undisturbed.
No prizes for guessing who Vera backs to win. You go, Mama Action!
Dance factory
Speaking of dance moves, did you see Rihanna doing Mzansi’s very own Gwara Gwara dance at the Emmys the other night? There’s plenty we are still going to give the planet – you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Sing, Lucky, sing
And then it was the turn of that boy from Vlaka, Mamelodi to the uninitiated, proving you can take them out of kasi but you can’t take the kasi out of my people.
And boy did he sing at the parliamentary inquiry into the capture of Eskom by some people high on spirits served at that phantom shebeen seen only by Brian.
Our yummy Mams boytjie put the canary to shame, as he threw anyone who came to mind under the bus, saying the greater rot was at Khongolose than in the crowd that has taken an abnormal liking to the curry in Saxonwold.
On board the train
In fact, there were so many to shove under the bus that Vera is worried he needed the whole train to accommodate them all and their egos.
On second thought, a speeding train would have done the job neatly and that would have been easy to arrange since the bro was once a mjanji makhulu baas.
Jimmy comes to...
And there is the Native Formerly Known as Jimmy with his legendary buffoonery. He somehow found time from his main duties – licking the Guptas’ asses – to find his way to the dairy farm, presumably in a bid to prove that his bosses were not milking the nation dry.
A word of advice: Jimmy dear, delegate, delegate and delegate some more. You can’t be a make-believe media mogul and a senior reporter, editor, cameraman and photographer at the same time.
And next time you go to a farm, dress the part... kick-n-bhobozas and shiny suits just won’t cut it. Siyavana?