Somizi roast a knockout
Mazwai the butt of most of the jokes
No punches were pulled at the Roast of television star Somizi Mhlongo, which was broadcast on Monday night.
The show was filmed at the Lyric Theatre in Gold Reef City, Johannesburg, a week ago.
Even though Mhlongo was the man of the hour, a lot of celebrities shifted their attention to poet Ntsiki Mazwai, who became the butt of most jokes, with jibes about her being dirty, untidy and talentless.
The lowest blow came when comedian Skhumba Mbatha said he would have to do a traditional ceremony to apologise to his ancestors if he slept with Mazwai.
“I went onto your Instagram [account] and it said you were a poet. I read some of your poetry and it said you’re not a poet,” Schalk Bezuidenhout joked.
The panel also included former sports minister Fikile Mbalula, actress Nomzamo Mbatha, newsreader Joanne Joseph, singer Kurt Darren, DJ Fresh and host Gareth Cliff.
Mbatha was grilled for her relationship with model and presenter Maps Maponyane.
Mhlongo quipped: “She’s actually done a lot for the LGBTI [community] ... No, she has. She’s dated more famous gay men than I have.”
DJ Fresh said to Cliff: “This is probably the biggest audience you’ve had since 5FM, how does it feel? You know, you’ve lost so much relevance that nobody even hates you anymore ... The moral of the Gareth Cliff story is, don’t start a spaza radio [station].”
Mbalula did not hold back as he took the stage and said he was invited to bring class to the Roast and not for a pay cheque, unlike all the other roasters.
Skhumba said to Cliff: “You know you are useless in life when you leave a show and no one cries. When you left Idols, no one ... Not even Unathi.”
Darren said: “Fresh has released 38 albums. Well, since he doesn’t actually produce music like some of us, he’s just released 38 playlists. Fresh, we all like burning mix CDs for our friends, but we don’t call it a career.”
Mhlongo called Mbatha a Bonang Matheba and Minnie Dlamini reject and said Skhumba was too broke and had to hurry up to catch a taxi after the show.
Mhlongo walked to the podium with a bottle of cologne to give to Mazwai, saying she caused a stink. “Ntsiki, you smell. Even people who are watching from home can feel your smell through their television screens,” he joked.
“I’m the face of McCafe: happy, bright, exciting. And DStv. You have OLX. Ugly, old, difficult to sell,” he told Skhumba.
The last Roast in South Africa featured socialite Kenny Kunene.