When divorce is the best decision for personal happiness
Marriage termination usually brings sadness but it can improve your life
Can you ever be happily divorced?
It almost sounds like an oxymoron, as divorce can be a very painful experience to go through.
Seeing all the years, energy, emotions and time invested in a marriage go down the drain is certainly nothing to celebrate.
Yet, there are people who are happily divorced and say that getting out of their marriages was the best thing to have ever happened to them.
One of those people is author and motivational speaker Coto Mbekeni-Makaba, who, after decades of marriage, made the bold decision to get a divorce.
She has since written a book about her experiences, and her latest book, The Eden of Relationships, is about how to achieve relationship success and not lose your authentic self in toxic relationships.
This is because she went through a toxic marriage herself.
“I do not in any way wish to vilify my ex-husband, but my marriage was not pleasant at all. There were a lot of things that happened in that marriage that were not favourable, to say the least.”
She says that the most impactful thing she took away from her marriage was how she was holding back and afraid to be herself.
“I was very submissive, for years. I did not have a voice, and getting out of that mar-
riage finally made me be able to reach for my dreams without fear.
“It is now my mission to empower all those who may be in similar positions in their marriages and be a vessel that shows them that you can get out and you can go on to live the happy life you were meant to live,” she says.
*Mmatema (real name withheld) has chosen to remain anonymous to protect her children.
She shares how her ex-husband was a serial cheater who blamed her for everything, including his cheating.
“Everything was my fault. I did not give him enough sex. The clothes were never ironed to his liking. His mother’s food tasted better [yes, he actually told me that].
“A few years into our marriage he told me that he misses being single. I automatically went into self-improvement mode and thought that if I dressed better, lost weight or looked sexier I could somewhat convince him that he made the right decision by marrying me.
“Of course, none of these worked,” she says.
Mmatema says that she eventually realised that she would never be good enough for her husband and decided to file for divorce.
“I was done having my selfesteem kicked down. Today I’m in such a happy place. I am raising my kids in peace and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
“I definitely agree that sometimes we marry the wrong people, and sometimes we just have to right the wrong by getting a divorce.”
‘ ‘ Today I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders