How to survive a break-up

Psychologist Katlego Hope Mahlakoleng says that being happily divorced is possible, but that it comes with a lot of work.

She says that some people tend to remove themselves from a marriage in order to explore themselves as an individual. At times, the man initiates a divorce based on the fact that there is no longer a support structure that he requires in the marriage to help him fulfil his purpose.

So what happens after the divorce?

“Most women fare better after a divorce ... feeling a sense of relief, especially if the relationship was stressful and [they] endured abuse.

“Women might have been subjected to focusing solely on their duties as wives and mothers. Now, they may seek out new careers, volunteer opportunities and social networks that will increase their self-esteem.

“Women are more likely than men to seek professional help for the emotional trauma caused by divorce,” she says.

Mahlakoleng also says that the divorce hangover syndrome is a reality, and one should look out for it and know that it is only natural.

“Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, ambivalence and loss are inevitable. That said, holding on to anger and expressing it in inappropriate ways prevents divorced people from moving on with their lives.

“Even when the reality of the divorce has sunk in, somewhere subconsciously women cling to the futile hope of reconciliation, even when their ex-spouse has formed new relationships or even remarried. These feelings of ambivalence can create blurry boundaries for the ex-spouse and their children [in trying] to develop a sense of balance.

“So, being happy after a divorce is not definite, but it is a probability and those who have achieved this level of happiness after a bitter divorce should be commended,” she says.