Greasy perm didn’t mess up only windows

Gigabytes runs out of data

After likening himself to a baby hippo and threatening a minitsunami if he is shafted out of the cabinet, Malusi Gigaba finally tendered his resignation this week.

Vera kind of liked our GQ magazine model-like minister, even though she is still not sure if he did any good as home affairs minister.

One thing is for sure, though, Gigs’ departure from the home affairs ministry will now give him ample time to sort out his real home affairs – what with his Buhle Mkhize issues, porn videos and all the other issues that kept his hand(s) preoccupied. He must be relieved.

Myth of eternal youth

The news that Gigs was stepping down seems to have hit one Mzwandile Masina the hardest. The Ekurhuleni mayor took to social media to complain about how the ANC prevented the “youth” from occupying cabinet posts. He cited Peter Mokaba, Gigaba, Fikile Mbalula and Julius Malema as examples of young leaders who were sidelined when they are supposed “to be the future”.

Vera does not know how old the Ekurhuleni mayor is, but if he and his fellow travellers believe a 48year-old like Gigaba is a youth, then they definitely do not deserve to be in any leadership positions.

Jimmy comes to mabonakude

It must be very hard not having your own television channel where you’re given to popping up on screen whenever you felt like it and ordering people around.

It’s been months since that spoof of a channel broadcasting straight out of the Saxonwold Shebeen switched off. So Vera was not too surprised to see the Native Formerly Known as Jimmy making an appearance on the pretext of testifying at the Zondo Commission. This chap misses the spotlight.

Baah baah Shaun the Sheep...

Vera listened with more than a smirk on her face when the wireless announced that Shaun the Sheep has raised his hand and will do as his fellow Friends of uBaba traveller, Jimmy did – taking the stand at the commission to confess his sins or lack thereof.

Word of caution there, Shaunie dear. The hearings start off like, and may look like a Sunday school sing-along. That’s until those mean lawyers rip you apart.

... Have you any wool?

Vera is looking forward to how Shaun explains his meeting at Luthuli House with the likes of Sis Batha and Gweezy ostensibly to discuss ... wait for it... student unrest.

Where were the ministers of police, education and finance?

Shaun emerged from that tete a tete single-minded in his pursuit of porky Pravin. Trying to pull the wool over our eyes, Shaun. Vera sees you, pull the other one.

Hair-raising madness

Vera always knew that there was something seriously wrong with the hair chemicals Hairman used to peddle back in the day.

The man himself used to sport a greasy perm that used to drive abomageza bonkers if left smeared on taxi windows. Remember the stickers reading “I like your perm but not on my windows”? Anyway, having unfettered access to the stuff as our dear friend clearly had, must have left his grey matter fried.

All that damage came to the fore when the brother went ballistic on some fellow pushing a trolley laden with cow heads downtown Jozi.

Hairman let his fingers do the talking, giving himself a pat on the back on Twitter for his bravery in executing a citizen’s arrest of the skopopreneur!

Bulalani uVan Damme, the king’s back

When Mzansi boogied to Ska Bora

Moreki two years ago, many had thought then little-known King Monada would claim the song of the summer award.

So it was a big shock when unknown maskandi singer Mroza won with a strange ditty called Sobulala uVanDamme.

He wins or we’ll idibala!

This time Monada will not be robbed, as the organiser of the SABC Summer Song contest has publicly attested. “Malwadhe is already the winner,” he said about Monada’s latest hit, which has taken Africa by storm with its #IdibalaChallenge.

Come midnight December 31, the King must finally be crowned, or re a idibala!