None so deaf as those politicos who do not want to hear

Pride comes before a fall

The Native Formerly Known as Jimmy must have watched too many law dramas on TV growing up.

Despite warnings, even from Vera herself, he made his second appearance before the state capture commission this week, strutting about like a peacock – even saying he should be applauded for coming with documentary evidence.

Vera did tell him the other day to be wary of these lawyers as they’ll tie him up in knots during cross-examination so that he may end up not knowing his Duduzile from his Duduzane.

But the man who now insists on being known as Mzwanele wouldn’t listen. The first few hours of his testimony saw him beating his chest and telling everybody how wonderful he was in government; how the Guptas were innocent and why the other witnesses before the commission were talking rubbish.

But by the time the commission’s advocate Vincent Maleka was done with him, good old Jimmy looked like an amateur boxer who had come out of a fight with Iron Mike Tyson in his prime. The peacock was plucked clean of its plumes.

This bird came to sing

Vera does not like commissions much. Often they are a waste of time, with witnesses who tell us what we already know.

But this week she found the testimony of one Ngoako Ramatlhodi quite entertaining.

If you had forgotten, Ramatlhodi was one of Baba kaDuduzane’s fiercest defenders outside of KwaZuma-Natal ahead of the Polokwane conference in 2007.

To hear him paint a picture of Zuma as a puppet president who could be summoned by the Guptas at will, was quite something.

Vera especially liked the part of his evidence where he said every time they complained to Baba about Duduzane, the old man would just say “ngiyakuzwa mfanakithi – I hear you my brother” and then do nothing about it. This must have been Msholozi’s Nkandla way of saying: “Talk to the hand.”

Picture of disbelief

The best moment of the hearings, however, must have been when Ramatlhodi told it that ministers used to be ordered to visit the Gupta homestead in Cape Town whenever the Mining Indaba took place.

Judge Raymond Zondo, who is usually calm and measured, could not contain himself when he heard this and ended up saying “Hhawu, did that happen?”

“Hhawu” for real, judge.

Uncle Gweezy

Uncle Gweezy also made a turn at the commission, to defend himself against claims that he tried to strongarm banks into re-opening Gupta accounts that had been closed.

Vera was happy to see that, since becoming minister, Mantashe no longer wears oversized suits.

But can whoever is dressing him these days please take away that supposedly ANC tie he wears to every event? The colours of the party flag on the tie, in case you have not noticed, Uncle Gweezy, are actually upside down – making some of Vera’s friends think of the pre-1990 Inkatha flag. You don’t want to be associated with that, do you?

Chiefs need No 1 back

So, the Soweto derby thing happened at the weekend and once again Kaizer Chiefs succumbed to Orlando Pirates.

Vera has read a lot of analysis in the sports pages. The same people who blamed the club’s misfortunes in the past on Steve Komphela’s poetic English, now criticise the Italian guy. But Vera thinks these analysts are missing the point. The last time Pirates failed to beat Chiefs, somebody from Nkandla was president. So, dear Makhosi, the solution is clear: bring back Baba kaDuduzane or end up as Bucs’ daily bread.