Patriarchal horror speeches before nuptials are so yesterday
At the belly of the wedding for most typical black couples are those “Welcome to Mamaland” and “Welcome to Papaland” speeches that usually take up the most time in the programme and basically reinforce every patriarchal horror you can imagine.
The advice and guidance directed at the bride are cringeworthy most of the times. As soon as a marriage veteran wearing a three-tier wedding band is called up to the stage, I always know to expect a lecture on how to bear with abuse and pray for your man.
The whole bekezela culture and how wives should think of marriage life as holding a knife on the sharp end. I always fail at hiding my actual feelings through most speeches.
My face still has very active muscles and they pull in all directions when someone portrays marriage as a battle that women sustain scars to conquer. You can read the “No!” on my forehead. But, the most baffling part about these speeches is when the couple that is getting married have kids and have been co-habitating for some time.
This is actually the case with many couples that get married nowadays – they would have been living together as a family for some time before exchanging vows.
Chances are that the couple has been through cheating, maybe even a break-up, are raising a blended family and already accepted that their siblings don’t quite like their partners. If the bride is a prayer warrior, then she is in that wedding gown with burnt knees anyway. She is a Mama.
She understands what her new husband likes and what he needs. And she definitely knows about his conjugal needs, they have children, for crying out loud. I understand that such guides made sense back in the days when virgins who had been living at their fathers’ houses till the wedding day and had no idea of what to expect in a life with a husband, save for watching their mothers at it.
The whole mystery about marriage has long been diminished.
I would believe that a couple that has championed their relationship to a point of deciding to officially get married, have the know-how to sustain the relationship.
If not, they should master that prior to getting married.
Seek premarital counselling. Join discussion groups with other couples. Communicate with each other.
Speak to religious leaders and lawyers… But to wait till two hours after exchanging vows to hear how to journey through marriage? Come on.
When folks who procreated early in life and had live-in-lovers tie the knot – rather have a songstress fill in the gap on that programme.
Those two have long been in Mamaland and Papaland.
And after sitting through a wedding sermon, their guests are hungry, really. Let them eat, drink and dance.