Christmas looms with a shudder amid Covid-19

Will protocol and social distancing go out of the window?

Many of us are now planning for Christmas, and trying to figure out how we will navigate this new climate, where we are required to be socially distant from our loved ones during intimate Christmas dinners and New Year ’ s Eve parties and New Year ’ s Day braais.

There are quite a number of us who still maintain the tradition of “going home ” mid-December, and pooling in with our siblings and other family members to make the holidays memorable.

We all congregate in one homestead and feast, then visit neighbours for gossip, alcohol binges and more meat!

But, this being the year of the pandemic, and there being a threat of an even worse resurgence in infections, what will my festive look like?

It has been rather easy complying with social distancing, wearing a mask and generally staying away from the public in the past months.

I am still working from home, and almost all work interactions thus far have been through the webcam.

And living in a quiet suburb, with security at the gate, I do not worry about visitors, or even the Jehovah ’ s Witnesses, at my door.

I have a mask for each day of the week and only ever wear one when I go to the grocers once a week.

But I must confess, I am guilty of neglecting Covid-19 precautions when I am around my family.

And I am black. So, when I say family, I mean a clan of 100-plus people, including whoever is introduced as a relative.

On a candid phone call with one of my cousins, where I hinted that I am not comfortable with being home for Christmas because crowds will not be wearing masks, he retorted, “yet in restaurants there in the cities, you people sit around strangers with no masks ...”

I did not have a comeback, because I have been to two restaurants already, and mingled freely with friends and colleagues as if it were inconsequential.

But back at home, the elderly want to embrace you and thank you for taking care of your mother, and congratulate you on your (three-year-old) car!

Then they ask that you sit at their feet and tell them about Johannesburg. This, forcing you to remove your mask as they keep saying they cannot hear a thing.

Then there are the uncles, who will visit every neighbouring house, probably collecting the coronavirus in all its mutated forms.

So inebriated that their tongue is heavy and swollen they will want to hold on to your shoulder, get as close to your ear as possible, and sprinkle you with saliva as they ask for a warm plate of food and R5 rand for a cigarette.

A friend suggested I book into a bed and breakfast, and only go home for the Christmas lunch and the January 1 braai.

Well, I guess that works out well in the movies.

But the thing with my family is, nobody is so fancy that they cannot sleep on the lounge floor with six others. Nobody!

It is already controversial that I insist on bringing my own bottled sparkling water when we have an entire river running through our land.

Just thinking about going home for Christmas makes me start sneezing and getting all sorts of corona symptoms.

I have done a great job with staying safe and healthy during this pandemic. I guess Christmas will be my undoing!

‘‘ Just thinking of going home makes me get symptoms