SURPRISING LESSONS FROM THE ROAD

One is never too old to eat at Hooters.

If you’re a proud US family, the best thing to do is to make a big sign saying so and put it up on your front lawn. Chicken pie comes in a soup version. Ted Drewes may have been serving frozen custard on R66 since the Great Depression but his product is crap. Still, if you’re looking to pick up a woman in her 60s in St Louis, I’d recommend renting a Harley and standing next to it in the Ted Drewes parking lot.

Don’t try to toss a piece of gum into your mouth when wearing a full-face helmet — it ruins your street cred. Camouflage is a real car colour. “Bikers’ bum” is a genuine and severe ailment. Clearly, I don’t sit on my arse nearly enough.

There is such a thing as “the world’s largest rocking chair”. It’s in Fanning, Missouri.

We’ve been saying it wrong. It’s not “root 66”, it’s “rout 66”, idiot!

Sneezing in a full-face helmet at 100km/h can be problematic.

It appears man can live on nachos, cheeseburgers and “Freedom fries” alone.

The Breaking Bad meth-lab camper van is parked on Route 66 in downtown El Reno.

“We don’t dial 911 in Texas!” is a slogan you see all over.

Try to avoid running into leatherwearing biker gangs if you’re biking around town dressed in board shorts and slops. I think they see it as a sign of disrespect.

The plentiful roadkill is made up of possum and armadillo in equal quantities.

Some advice from a road sign in the Black Mountains: “When flooded, turn around, don’t drown.”

Riding in the warm sunlight under blue skies with a great playlist is what it’s all about.