Move over, men. It’s BDWs who are really from Mars
Let’s celebrate the Bloody Difficult Woman, writes Victoria Lambert
YOU would have thought there were already enough ways to flounce — verbally — at a certain sort of smart, sassy woman: bossy, Mommy, man-in-drag, leaderene, She Who Must Be Obeyed. Then along comes Conservative Party MP Ken Clarke — his vocabulary as florid as his complexion — to dig a new low in snide.
Caught apparently unawares by Sky News, Clarke was smirking to his old pal Sir Malcolm Rifkind about Conservative Party leadership contender Theresa May, when he inadvertently nailed an entire tribe by calling her a “Bloody Difficult Woman”, or BDW.
Clarke, of course, in his own buffoonish way, meant not to bury our potential new Caesar but to praise her. (He supports her bid.) But not without reminding the world how he does so under sufferance and how ghastly it is for men to deal with a woman who might be a chip off the old Thatcher block. One of those “Ladies” who’s a bit, you know, Awkward Squad. Always insisting on details and planning and risk assessments, instead of just going out and having a jolly old bash as a man would.
“We worked with Margaret,” he also remarked, mentally polishing his campaign medals.
Within minutes, a million women of every political tribe were united in saying “Pah”. If Clarke wants to find a way to put clever women back in their box, he’s going to have to get a bigger dictionary. Because as every woman (and quite a few real men) know: there is nothing wrong with a BDW. Plenty of us are them, and all of us know one. The BDW is the one who gets things done.
Indeed, BDWs emerge first in the playground, then hone their skills in organisation and leadership during the teenage years, university and first job/first flat madness, way before they start running blue chips, armies and indeed whole countries. So how do you spot the BDW — and what do they bring to the party of life (apart from a bottle of low-alcohol wine)?
Ways to spot a BDW:
In the playground: Bloody Difficult Woman is the linchpin of the Parent Teacher Association. She can spot loose gravel on the playground from 50 paces. That laser vision also picks out the slackers: parents who “forget” to sign up for the cake sale.
At a party: BDWs never get out of control. They never drink too much, rediscover smoking, or flirt with the hot new neighbour.
In the dating game: Romance is not in their makeup. Madonna, working through toy boys like she’s ticking off her grocery list, is a glorious example of BDW. Although note the subset of BDWs at the other end of the non-emotional scale who — like swans — mate once and for life.
At work: BDWs may not hang out at the water cooler (or Westminster watering holes as in May’s case) but they are team players, not maverick loners. They may have had to shimmy up the greasy pole, but their first act in power is to build a proper ladder to help other women up behind them. They are the mentors and the nurturers and not afraid to bare their teeth at an office bully or a boss if a junior needs support. Nothing makes them happier than smooth teamwork (as long as they are in charge).
In a marriage: Like Michelle Obama, they’ll have something to say about their husbands’ attitudes to childcare, slobbish dressing, treating the house like a hotel, and not earning enough money. Partners of BDWs will have sympathised with Barack when he retorted at Michelle: “Why are you bothering me with this, when I’m out trying to change the world?”
In the boardroom: When BDWs get to the top, don’t expect them to blend in with the men in suits. They run the International Monetary Fund, but still enjoy a bit of Chanel, like Christine Lagarde, or a leopard skin kitten heel, like May. They pile up businesses, charity work, and children while exhorting the rest of us to Have It All too. — © The Daily Telegraph, London