‘Don’t you dish up for my man’ . . . and other ‘sister code’ rules
SOUTH African “sisters” are championing an unspoken code to keep their besties from stealing their men. It stems from radio personality Anele Mdoda’s variation on the “bro code” — unwritten friendship etiquette for men mainly dealing with relationships — which she devised to allow women to maintain drama-free friendships. Some among the celebrity set have lauded Mdoda’s “code”, saying it keeps friends from “crossing the line”. The rules of the code include: You may not ask my man, boyfriend or husband for a lift. There is Uber. This is 2016; You may not dish up for my man at a braai. If I’m not there, he can dish up for himself. The only three people who can dish up for him are his mom, the waiter and me; Do not be a cougar to my younger brother. That’s not on; and If a friend steals another friend’s man, you have to pick a side. Either the victim or the seductress. You can’t be friends with both. Mdoda told 702 during a recent interview: “It’s an intimate thing to dish up for someone. “Come on, another language of love is to ask if you’re hungry; now, if you’re dishing up for them, isn’t that the biggest ‘I love you’?” Mdoda, who didn’t respond to queries, wouldn’t elaborate on why she devised the sister code. Kia Johnson, co-anchor on Radio 2000’s weekday breakfast show, agrees. “With the crazy world we live in, having a code where there’s a mutual respect and understanding between girls helps to create that sense of loyalty and decency. Not all women will live by it as we all differ in personality and choice.”
Although she’s “all for it”, Johnson said the code should not evolve into something “cult-like” or “erratic”.
Outspoken actress Khanyi Mbau is behind Mdoda.
“The sister code is needed and it’s real . . . Some women do tend to go overboard, especially if they think they’re your sister or friend. “I was in that scandal years ago. “Thing is, we women open the door of comfort, when it comes to our men, for other women — be it friends or even blood sisters. Things will be hunky-dory until something happens.”
Actress and model Nicole Bessick has given the code a thumbs-up.
“Hell yes! Too many people, factors and industries thrive on having women pitted against one another.
“When women support each other, incredible things happen.”
Idols SA judge Somizi Mhlongo said the code was “175% necessary” for women and men.
“I’ve had instances where my friends have dished up for my partner and asked for lifts from him.
“What do they talk about on the way, when there is only the two of them?
“As much as I am confident my partner won’t cheat, people must know when not to cross the line.
“Once, a friend, when we went on holiday together, walked into our room wearing his boxers. That for me is a no-no.
“Why are you wearing boxers in front of my boyfriend . . . are you trying to entice him? I confronted him and said: ‘Friend, I don’t appreciate this.’ Rather nip it in the bud,” said Mhlongo.
The sister code might have helped save the relationship between Mhlongo and entertainment personality Bonang Matheba. The former best friends and TV presenters had a public meltdown over rumours that Mhlongo had gossiped about Matheba, after rapper AKA ditched his girlfriend DJ Zinhle for Matheba.
But Carishma Basday, a presenter on SABC3 lifestyle show Mela, thinks the code is a waste of time.
“I don’t think it is necessary to have a sister code — if your girls aren’t doing things like having the other’s back or respecting your relationships, perhaps they shouldn’t be your sisters in the first place.
“Women shouldn’t need to be told how to act in any situation — you are who you are with your own sets of morals and values.
“If our morals and values don’t match up then I don’t think we would end up in each other’s lives.
“I’m more for sister love than a sister code,” said Basday.
Sandton clinical sexologist Elna McIntosh said trust was the cornerstone of any relationship, whether it was a friendship or romantic in nature.
“There is no real need for such a code. If you can’t trust your friends, why are they in your life?”
McIntosh said only insecure women would want to implement the code.