The kindness of strangers
After being helped by a random runner, Shaun Smillie began to reflect on how we treat our fellow humans
‘We are now seen as heroes, but we were just happy to help’ ‘I was completely blown away. When my father saw the car he burst into tears’
ICOULD hear the footsteps all around me, probably because my ear was close to the ground. Very close. I was face down on a soggy path, 3km into a Saturday morning park run, courtesy of a tumble on an exposed tree root. Even before I could feel sorry for myself I felt a hand grab me.
“Are you OK?” He pulled me up. He had on a red shirt and on his arm I could see the seconds ticking off on his GPS watch. Those seconds he had given to me had probably cost him his PB (personal best time) that morning.
What made that runner stop to help me, when there was no obvious benefit? It is a human trait, scientists say. Even the Neanderthals were known for their acts of kindness, according to evidence suggesting that they looked after their sick.
But this kindness thing gets more baffling. A study that came out in October revealed that azure-winged magpies in the US — famous for stealing shiny objects — will give food to other members of their flock for no apparent reason.
Azure-winged magpies may have empathetic hearts, but how do South Africans match up?
Not well, and there is a survey that proves it. According to the Charities Aids Foundation’s world giving index for 2016, South Africa dropped nine places this year when it came to helping a stranger. We now sit in 19th place, while Botswana has moved into 7th spot. The country found to be nicest to strangers is Iraq.
From the report it appears that people in some of the most dangerous, unstable places in the world are most likely to help a stranger. Four of the countries in the Top 10 are either now in the throes of violent conflict or have been recently.
A collective crisis may bring out the best in people and considering the number of calamities South Africans faced this year, from Nenegate to a spluttering economy and, oh yes, crime, we should be higher up on that index.
But there are South Africans out there like my runner who are willing to suppress their inner grinch and give a helping hand for nothing in return.
And Christmas is a good time to honour some of those givers, who do it for, well . . . the good of humanity.
Perhaps the ultimate act of random kindness is putting your life on the line to help others. This is what truck driver Lucas Bota did when he saw “those cars floating like boats” on the N3 highway near Linksfield in Johannesburg last month.
There had been heavy downpours, causing flooding that led, among other things, to OR Tambo International Airport closing to air traffic.
Bota got on the phone with his friend Vuyani Dingiswayo, who was in another truck. “I said to him, ‘You see what I see? We must do something,’ ” Bota said. “There was no time to think.”
The two fastened a cargo belt to one of their trucks and tied it to Dingiswayo. He waded through the rising waters and began pulling out trapped motorists and taking them to Bota’s truck trailer. “We could hear them shouting, ‘Please help!’ ” said Bota.
The truckers lost count of how many people they saved, but they believe it was more than 20. Those they rescued waited on Bota’s trailer until the flood waters subsided.
The first woman Dingiswayo pulled from a car could not be saved. It is something that still haunts both men.
Some of those rescued by the truckers asked for their cellphone numbers. No one has called, but for Dingiswayo this doesn’t matter. “We are now seen as heroes, but we were just happy to help,” he said.
SOMETIMES an act of kindness is sparked not by a need to do brave things, but by a shared experience.
Kerri Stein is used to giving; she works with NGOs and helps to uplift disadvantaged communities. Stein also has a slot on CliffCentral.
Earlier this year, Stein got a call from Iain McGreer, the owner of the Boston Food Truck Company. He wanted to bring lunch over to the CliffCentral studios. The two got chatting and discovered they both had family members who had suffered from cancer.
Stein opened up about her dad who had prostate cancer. He didn’t have medical aid, and the operation to remove the gland had left him in hospital for a month. After he came home, it was discovered he had another tumour in his groin. The cost of dealing with this tumour could be as much as R500 000.
McGreer told Stein about his father, who years earlier had died from stomach and oesophagus cancer.
Then one day McGreer phoned Stein and asked for her home address. “I said, ‘I don’t know you from a bar of soap,’ ” said Stein. But she gave it to him anyway.
A couple of days later, Stein got a call that a flatbed truck had arrived outside her house. It was carrying a 1948 Ford Prefect, accompanied by a note from McGreer. The note said the vintage car was hers and she could auction it to pay for her father’s medical bills.
“I was completely blown away,” said Stein. “When my father saw the car he burst into tears. This was the first car his father had bought, and he used it to take my father to school.”
The Prefect had been fully restored and McGreer believed that at auction it could fetch about R250 000. But Stein still has the car; they have become sentimentally attached to it.
About six weeks later Stein and McGreer met in person for the first time, and Stein is now CEO of one of McGreer’s companies. “He is a seven-foot gentle giant with a heart of gold,” she said.
Stein now has the opportunity to return McGreer’s generosity. Earlier this month he was in a serious vehicle accident, and months of rehabilitation lie ahead. Stein says she will be there with him through this difficult time.
An act of kindness can sometimes be as simple as a “hello” to a stranger.
This was what Mariapaola McGurk had in mind when she heard about an attempted hijacking in her neighbouring suburb of Kensington. “Their response was to tell people to go inside and lock their doors; we decided to give people an alternative. Start speaking to your neighbours, get to know them,” McGurk said.
A simple greeting, she said, starts a conversation, and that could lead to a new friend or just a better understanding.
“I went and said hello to my neighbours and discovered that they are from the Congo and had been in South Africa two months,” she said. “I made their day by saying ‘hello’.”
Then there is kindness, provided by one of the simplest gestures. At a time when students were protesting across South Africa and tensions were running high, Rynaard de Goede at the Potchefstroom campus of North West University donned a blindfold and put out a sign offering free hugs. The YouTube video was shared more than 10 000 times and viewed over 300 000 times.
The runner in the red shirt got me quickly on my feet. I was able to slip back into my stride and achieve my personal best time for a park run.
I didn’t get an opportunity to say thank you, but, as with all random acts of kindness, my job now is to banish my inner grinch and pay it forward.