‘Ignored’ SA wives get the six-year itch
Quick to stray — but no match for the Irish
AFFAIRS OF THE HEART: Married women stray for several reasons — perhaps they are not getting enough attention from their husbands, or the spark has disappeared from their marriage SOUTH African women are quicker to cheat on their husbands than the global average, according to a new survey.
Dating website Victoria Milan, which “connects attached adults for discreet extramarital affairs”, says research shows that women who cheat on their husbands generally do so after seven or eight years of marriage. Yet South African women who cheat are most likely to do so after just six years.
It also found that South African women married at an average age of 29, which meant they were most likely to have an affair when they were 35.
The study — which focused specifically on women and did not touch on the infidelity of men — was conducted across multiple countries, including adult women of all ages.
But although unfaithful South African women were quick to stray, they were no match for their Irish counterparts who, the survey found, were the worst offenders, cheating on their husbands just three years after tying the knot.
UK women cheated after four years while US women were most conservative, starting affairs after more than eight years of marriage.
A poll by the same website last year found that women in the finance industry were more likely to have an affair than those in any other profession.
Sigurd Vedal, founder of the site, said married women had affairs for a variety of reasons.
“Perhaps their husband is not giving them the attention and respect they deserve. Perhaps they still love their partners, but the spark has vanished from their marriage. Alternatively, they may have an open relationship, and both have affairs to satisfy their physical needs while still sharing a tight emotional bond.”
International celebrities such as singer Jennifer Lopez and actress Anne Heche have been linked to extramarital affairs. In South Africa, Idols presenter and rapper Tebogo “ProVerb” Thekisho exposed his wife Onalerona’s infidelity on social media.
The couple were married for 10 years when reports of her romance with a Johannesburg businessman surfaced. They divorced in December 2015 and Thekisho is now dating former Miss South Africa Liesl Laurie.
The owner of an upmarket Umhlanga salon and boutique said a “few” of her clients had cheated on their husbands.
“There is one who is a highpowered businesswoman who dresses to the nines. She is immaculate, well-groomed and always looks beautiful. Her husband, on the other hand, couldn’t care less how he looks or dresses.”
The salon owner said the woman confided to her that during a party, an attractive, wellgroomed man started flirting with her, complimenting her on her looks. Even though her husband was at the party, she was flattered and flirted back.
She said she could identify with the man, as opposed to her husband, who paid her no attention and never complimented her on her appearance.
“For that woman it was all about the attention from another man. She hooked up with him but it was very short-lived because she felt guilty.”
She said for another woman client it had been about being bored in her relationship with her husband.
“For her it’s not about emotion, she says it’s just about the sex, plain and simple, which her husband can’t provide.”
But South African relationship experts have dismissed the research, saying men and women have affairs at various stages of their marriages.
Clinical sexologist and relationship therapist Leandie Buys said: “You can’t put an age to affairs. They happen through all ages.
“It has nothing to do with the age, but more to do with the quality of the relationship.
“Women cheat mostly because they feel their partners are emotionally absent in the relationship and for them it’s more about emotional intimacy, connection, someone who will listen to them and having someone to talk to. It isn’t always about sex,” said Buys.
Elmari Mulder Craig, a relationship therapist, psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist, said the husband of one of her clients, who had had a three-year affair, thought they had the best marriage ever.
“The majority of people I have worked with [regarding infidelity] have been married for much longer — between seven and 10 years — and most are older couples between 45 and 55.
“Men look outside the relationship because they feel they are not sexually satisfied, women normally look outside if they don’t feel emotionally safe and satisfied, supported and special,” said Mulder Craig. — additional reporting by Yasantha Naidoo
For women it’s more about emotional intimacy than sex