Hogarth
The Prez leaves Jimmy to settle the bill
ANOTHER week, another one of No 1’s cheerleaders being thrown under the bus. This time it is a Guptarite formerly known as Jimmy. Remember how the peacetime revolutionary told MPs that passing the Financial Intelligence Centre Amendment Bill into law would be tantamount to selling out the ANC and black people in general?
Remember how No 1 seemed to be backing him as they joined in expressing reservations about Fica?
Well, the Prez yesterday did a somersault, signing the bill into law and saying it would “strengthen the transparency and integrity of the South African financial system”.
Guess who’s left with egg on his face?
Verbal assassination
HOGARTH was shocked to read the news of an alleged plot to overthrow the government by a covert organisation called the “Anti-State Capture Death Squad Alliance”.
And if the Hawks statement on the arrest of the 33-year-old mastermind behind it all is to be believed, the organisation, and a completely separate organisation with an almost identical modus operandi and an equally verbose name, the “Anti-White Monopoly Capitalists Regime”, were going around writing letters to companies asking for donations to kill politicians.
So what we have is two covert organisations with the most literal names Hogarth has ever heard, wanting to off people, and going about it by leaving a paper trail of letters. It all seems very overt to Hogarth. Perhaps it was best phrased by Western Cape top cop Jeremy Vearey, who asked on Facebook on Thursday: “What kind of intellectual nyopeism is that?” (Referring to the drug nyaope.)
Now, Hogarth might not be a super sleuth but he can’t help but notice that the names of the organisations are not unlike the unnecessarily long themes given to government events.
High noon in Pretoria
IF there was any doubt that South African politics has turned into the Wild West, new Police Minister Fikile Mbalula confirmed it this week by announcing that there “is a new sheriff in town”. And it wouldn’t be the Wild Wild West without a duel, and Mbalula has his sights set on Berning Ntlemeza, who, depending on who you ask, is either still the head of the Hawks, or out of a job.
During a press conference this week, Mbalula accused him of being both cop and robber, after he claimed that Ntlemeza had made off with his work cellphone and vehicle.
Mbalula, who has always sounded like he might have accidentally swallowed an Oxford dictionary and then choked on it, was quick to call out this “rogueness”.
But Ntlemeza, who apparently also ate some dictionary pages for breakfast, hit back in court papers, calling Mbalula “bellicose” and “weird”.
Oooh, feel the Bern.
No walk into the sunset
BUT perhaps the best part of this Berning issue is the bit in the court papers that details Ntlemeza’s deep pain at all the shenanigans.
Apparently, Ntlemeza is really concerned about what this is all doing to the “imagine” of the Hawks. Hogarth imagines that he really meant “image”, although the unit doesn’t have much of an image to destroy. And calling yourselves “elite” ad nauseam doesn’t count.
Ntlemeza also told the court that he is “in the afternoon of his career” and was hoping to exit the police service gracefully. Well, it seems that he might be experiencing what is commonly called “an afternoon slump”.
Free to pick any venue
FAR be it from Hogarth to infer that the grandly named Freedom Movement is a refurbished bunch of Uncle Toms.
But really, of all the places in all the towns in all the world, why choose a venue called Uncle Tom’s to launch it? It invites ridicule and shows a worrying lack of judgment.
Or, as they said in Latin, a language as dead as the erstwhile Transkei: Nomen est omen (the name is a sign).
Giant setback for United
IF United Airlines was hoping to pull a rabbit out of the hat after the recent viral sensation which showed a passenger being removed with brute force from one of its aircraft, it must be sorely disappointed. This week, a 1m continental giant rabbit named Simon died in the cargo hold of a United jet on a flight from the UK to the US. The fact that Simon, who was expected to outgrow his world record-holder father, was en route to Chicago O’Hare only rubs salt into United’s wounds.
Write to hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za
MAMPARA OF THE WEEK Fikile Mbalula Mbalula la land
HE’S known for the quotable quotes that roll out of his motor mouth, but Minister Razzmatazz’s foot-in-mouth disease has deteriorated to shocking levels.
Mamparalula shocked us all this week with a reckless statement to the effect that disgruntled Zimbabwean soldiers were fuelling crime in South Africa. Mbaweezy didn’t even attempt to present evidence to back remarks that bordered on xenophobia.
It’s this sort of ignorance that provoked violent scenes in this country not too long ago.
A senior cabinet minister should know better.