Birthday girl takes the cake with her nasty invitation
Tears amid claims of bullying as birthday invite backfires
A posh private school in Johannesburg was caught on the back foot when it tried to mediate in a feud between two 12-year-old girls.
Instead of calming troubled waters after a Grade 6 pupil was pointedly excluded from a birthday party in what her parents described as “cyber bullying”, staff at Maragon Ruimsig Primary in Roodepoort came under attack for getting involved.
A school newsletter said that following its attempts at peacemaking — “which exacerbated the process” — the school would no longer be used as “a platform to vindicate or escalate personal issues”.
The row was sparked when a pupil sent a message to a WhatsApp group of six friends, telling one responsible for sending out the birthday invitations “to add anyone you want except [the girl’s name] . . . Go wild”.
‘Terribly hurt’
She wrote the message after her wealthy father forbade her to invite the girl. He issued the instruction because his daughter had been insulted by the unwanted guest’s father.
The father of the uninvited girl denied insulting the birthday girl, and said his child had been “terribly hurt” at being singled out by name on WhatsApp.
He said his daughter was told of the message by her friends. “All the kids came to her and said, ‘What have you done? Why have you not been invited?’ ”
He and his wife heard about it from a teacher at a parents meeting. His daughter showed him a copy of the message. “It was completely and utterly exclusionary as far as my daughter was concerned. The only thing that struck me was what I can only term as a sense of cyber bullying.”
The birthday girl’s father, who owns properties in Sandton and one in Highgate, London, has insisted that his daughter “was within her rights to exclude [the other girl]”.
The birthday girl’s mother said others who did not receive an invitation “never saw it as a humiliating experience; nobody ever does”.
“It was a private birthday party and had nothing to do with the school.” When the teacher called both girls to discuss the issue, her daughter — who was in tears — was told not to speak to anyone about the meeting.
“According to my daughter, the meeting was one-sided. It was only questioning her about a message her father forced her to send. How can a teacher hold a child who is just following her dad’s orders responsible?”
Her daughter was distraught after the meeting. She said the school agreed to publish an apology in the newsletter with wording she and her husband had supplied, but that it had been changed.
Emotions were high
Maragon Ruimsig general manager Andries van Renssen said the school had reminded pupils that whatever they wrote, even on WhatsApp, should be something they would be happy to say to another child face to face.
“Both children were given many opportunities to talk and it quickly became evident that neither party was blameless and that the issue had escalated and emotions were high. The teacher requested both girls to apologise to each other for the hurt caused.”
He said the school did not agree to publish the apology as it was subjective and would have contravened the other family’s rights.
Johannesburg party planner Carla Marcus said it was hurtful when a child wasn’t invited to a party. “But unfortunately . . . parents actually are not bothered about the ‘right’ thing to do. They are very blasé about it.”
The American International School of Johannesburg asks parents to invite each child in the class to a birthday.
“If you do not plan on inviting all students . . . we request that you contact individual parents directly via e-mail to avoid students feeling excluded,” the school said.
Pretoria psychologist Sigi Graham said parents should monitor children’s WhatsApp posts. “How you feel about something is not something that you necessarily broadcast.”