THE APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL HANDBOOK FOR THE ULTRA-RICH
1 GET EYE SURGERY
In an interview with the New Yorker, the Reddit co-founder who’s not engaged to Serena Williams, Steve Huffman, said he got corrective eye surgery to prepare for the apocalypse. “If the world ends — and not even if the world ends, but if we have trouble — getting contacts or glasses is going to be a huge pain in the ass. Without them, I’m fucked,” he told the magazine.
2 ABANDON THE MANSION ON YOUR FARM (OR FARM-LIKE ESTATE)
Sorry, but it’s time to leave your R40-million abode behind. Yes, you just refurbished the bathroom and all the flooring is Italian marble, but it’s time to go. Soz.
3 ESCAPE ON YOUR SUPER EXPENSIVE SUPERBIKE
We’re sure you already have your Ecosse Titanium Series bike parked in the garage. The brand fancies itself the Aston Martin of motorbikes, and it will set you back a reported R4million. Or you can just use something more modest, like the Yamaha R1. It has more speed than you’ll ever know what to do with.
3.1 WHILE THE FAMILY HOPS INTO THE APOCALYPSE-READY RIDE
If you’re trying to be inconspicuous, make sure your Mercedes-Benz W123 300D is ready. It’s built like no other car is built. Overengineered in the extreme, this car can outlast everyone and the diesel engine can be powered by cooking oil. Yes, it’s slow, but how fast can a zombie go? Alternatively, take the GWagon 6x6: it can go anywhere and it’ll match your top-class image, even if the world is ending.
4 MAKE IT TO YOUR PRIVATE AIRSTRIP
If air travel is possible (provided fire isn’t raining down from the skies), hop on your plane and hightail it out of here. If you don’t have your own ride, you’ll be pleased to know now’s the time to get one. Bloomberg reports that preowned private jet prices are down 16% since last August, while prices for Gulfstreams are down as much as 35%. Why? Because demand for private jets has slowed in the past few years.
4.1 OR CRUISE OUT OF THE HELL ZONE
If escape by air isn’t an option, then you’ll have to take your boat to the middle of the ocean. You would need a boat that can outsail anything on the sea, so why not look at something from Millennium Super Yachts, a US company with a James Bond obsession (their first yachts were named Octopussy, Moonraker and Thunderball). Their super yacht, The World Is Not Enough, is considered one of the fastest in the world (it goes as fast as 70 knots).
4.2 HEAD UNDERWATER ASTON MARTIN-STYLE
Someone on Twitter might have pointed out that it looks like an iron, but Aston Martin has unveiled a R55-million submarine. You might feel like a Bond villain (or like Dr Evil) but it will help you get away from a disaster — provided it’s not underwater. The vessel should be available from next year — but get in early because the company only plans to make a dozen a year.
5 WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME
You could buy land in New Zealand as many super-wealthy Americans (a gang of dudes from Silicon Valley) have done in preparation for the end of the world. Apparently the island’s remoteness will be its greatest strength come doomsday (manmade or otherwise) — although we’re not sure how good an idea this is considering how often the country is hit by earthquakes and it has a gigantic volcano. Or you could join the growing market for luxurious bunkers for the one percent: prices range from R340 000 to R110-million per underground unit. Or you could join Elon Musk and head to Mars. Or head to the Drakensberg, as they did when the world nearly ended in the movie 2012.