Jacob’s blather
“I don’t know where they get the luck to win here because people in the majority are not living comfortably. I don’t know‚ [maybe] it’s because of witchcraft; witches practise their craft in different ways.”
On the ANC losing to the DA in the Western Cape, September 2017
“Don’t feel jealous and think I am going to be an actor. No. Maybe it rubs off, who knows?”
To the press as he met movie star Danny Glover in Cape Town, May 2013
“It’s not because of me. I’m not responsible for that . . . I’ve never taken myself to court.”
Explaining his legal bills to parliament, November 2017
“But when men compliment you innocently, you say it’s harassment . . . You will miss out on good men and marriage.”
To female journalists at Nkandla, March 2016
“This continent [Africa] is the biggest continent in the world.”
At a dinner, December 2015
“If you just give me six months to be a dictator‚ things will be in order. Right now‚ to make a decision you need a resolution‚ decision‚ collective‚ petition. Yoh! It’s a lot of work.”
To pupils in Tembisa, July 2016
“Is to introduce nine thousand six hundred and . . . nine, the . . . nine thousand six hundred and . . . hmm . . . megawatt.”
State of the nation address, February 2016 “Government is like God. Quick to hear but slow to respond.”
To Qumbu villagers, November 2011
“When [Jesus] fetches us we will find [those in the beyond] wearing black, green and gold. The holy ones belong to the ANC.”
To supporters in Mthatha, February 2011
“Stress is a white man’s disease . . . That is why there is no word for it in IsiZulu.”
At his birthday celebration in Soweto, April 2017
“South Africa has only six legitimate kingdoms . . . and another six whose status will come to an end on the death of the current incumbent in the position.” Announcing a commission on traditional leadership disputes and claims, July 2010 “The courts were not there when you joined the ANC, but now you involve courts when there are disagreements — that cannot be right.”
At a campaign rally in Ntabankulu, August 2010
“It’s a South African tradition that a man pays ilobolo for a wife . . . so we expect Prince Albert to pay cows for his bride.”
To the Monaco monarch after his wedding to South African swimmer Charlene Wittstock, Durban, July 2011
“If you have problem with me or the ANC, call a meeting so that can be discussed. If you have a problem, call us so that we can advise you because maybe the problem is with you.”
At the unveiling of a statue of Harry Gwala in Pietermaritzburg, August 2017 “Being single is not right and kids are important to women because they actually give extra training to a woman, to be a mother.”
TV interview, August 2012
“We will use the rules of parliament to make them behave.”
On the EFF, Pretoria, 2015
“It . . . would minimise the risk of contracting the disease.” Explaining to the High Court in Johannesburg why he showered after having unprotected sex with his HIV-positive rape accuser, April 2006
“If they were intelligent they would change the name before money is spent in court . . . We are the congress of the people. That’s why we fight when some people suddenly call themselves the Congress of the People.”
At a rally in Mpumalanga after ANC dissidents formed COPE, November 2008
“If it is established that I am corrupt, show me the door. I told the ANC leaders in January that if they elected me to lead a corrupt party I have a home back in Nkandla. I will go and stay there.”
To ANC supporters in Mpumalanga,
July 2009
“Ruling a country is not easy. There are too many things that tempt a person in authority. Help us by praying for us that we do not get tempted.” To members of Hazendal Methodist Church, Cape Town, October 2009
Compiled by Nashira Davids