Cross-dresser sleepless after crossing wife
‘Blackmailed’ with saucy pics when he left her for girlfriend
● A Durban manufacturing manager says he is being blackmailed by his estranged wife, who has threatened to leak saucy pictures of him and companions dressed in women’s clothing and in compromising sexual positions unless he returns home.
The man, who has turned to the High Court in Durban to protect his reputation, says he is having sleepless nights and fears a backlash from both his church-going community and his colleagues at work if the pictures are made public.
The businessman — who cannot be named to protect the identity of his underage daughter — claimed in court papers that his soon-to-be ex-wife was threatening to use the photographs in an attempt to blackmail him to leave the woman he is living with and return to the marital home.
He says they have been married for 21 years but the relationship fell apart about nine years ago. He continued living in the marital home and paying all the bills but they lived separate lives.
His predilection for cross-dressing began when he went through a “bad patch” between 2012 and 2017, after being retrenched. “I fell in the company of undesirous individuals and my life took a turn for the worse.
“This was because she [his wife] was taunting me about the lack of money. I was constantly degraded.”
He began to experiment with different sexual relationships, cross-dressing and bisexual relationships. He had sex with random individuals at private homes and hotels and sometimes cross-dressed at home. He did not say whose clothes he wore. “During these bouts of confusion, and being engrossed in the moments, pictures were taken of me and partners . . . I stored them on a memory card which I kept at home thinking they would never surface.”
But his wife found them and confronted him. “We had a discussion and I explained my experiments. Initially she was upset but she accepted my chosen lifestyle. She did assure me that she would destroy the memory card and I trusted that she did.”
He said the sexual experimentation experience was short-lived and he no longer wanted to continue it.
Late last year he had “rekindled an old friendship” which turned into a relationship and he moved out of the home. His wife instituted maintenance proceedings against him.
“We then began getting threatening phone calls that we must end our relationship. My wife also contacted my girlfriend and informed her about the pictures in an attempt to convince her to leave me. She also threatened to send them to my place of work. I believe she did not destroy the memory card as promised. She wants to blackmail me,” he said.
“Whilst I am aware that public opinion and societal norms have changed to allow individuals freedom of choice, I believe it will be viewed in my community and working environment as taboo.
“Should the pictures be made public, it will have an irreparable effect on my life. I have good standing in the community. I attend church and prayer meetings.
“I am a manager at my company and supervise 50 staff members. Should these pictures enter the public arena, I will no longer enjoy the respect of staff, colleagues and clients. I could potentially lose my job.
“I am having sleepless nights over this.”
Acting Judge Anand Maharaj granted an interim order against the wife. When the matter returned to court this week, he commented that he had only granted the order in the interests of the couple’s minor child.
In a final order, taken by consent, the wife undertook not to make the pictures public and said that she had no such memory card or pictures in her possession or control.