Tightheads & Loose Balls

● A Tightheads contributor had an eventful trip to Durban last week. First he missed his flight (something about a freeway being clogged, apparently), which meant he had to buy a new ticket for his flight to the place where sardines run. Somehow he managed to arrive only 12 minutes late at Kings Park, claiming to have observed all the speed cameras along the route. He then got to watch the Sunwolves and listen to Robert du Preez, but his day was only done once he went on to lose his phone at the bottom of Florida Road. Top effort.

● Kiwi commentator Tony Johnson's pronunciation of Embrose Papier after the Bulls scrumhalf came on as a substitute against the Chiefs got us musing. Sooner rather than later this “Embrose PahPierre” will blip on the radar of a French scout and then it will be a case of au revoir.

● Lions forward Franco Mostert this week gushed about how helpful folks are in Tokyo. “I had a little translator. She’s like a fly around you. She doesn't leave your side. You feel a bit weird because you think she will come into the toilet with you.”

● The media had been warned that Mostert’s English had actually improved in Japan so nobody expected him to say this: “As we say, talk is cheap, money buys the whistle.” “Whisky, whisky,” coach Swys de Bruin was heard muttering next to the stand-in captain.

● Another former Pretoria resident, CJ Stander, got either his maths or history wrong this week. He said in the build-up to Ireland’s grand slam-chasing clash against England that it was a once in a 40-year opportunity. To be fair, he was playing for SA u-20 when Ireland last won it in 2009.