THE HAPPINESS RETORT
The UN says we are among the unhappiest people in the world. Don’t make me laugh
Apparently South Africans are among the unhappiest people in the world and getting increasingly less jolly.
Having run out of things to argue about, the good folks at the UN furnished us with the World Happiness Report earlier this month. As the name suggests, the report ranks 156 countries, having rated them on a scale of one to happy, and South Africa comes in at a lowly 105th.
Surprisingly, Finland and a bunch of other countries where it’s so cold that owning a fridge is redundant (like Denmark, Switzerland and Norway) round out the top 10.
Where on earth did the stereotype about Scandinavians being suicidal every winter come from if they’re so damn giddy all the time?
Russia, Libya and Pakistan also rank above us, so maybe we should be smelling rats. Russia is run by a man whose hobbies include poisoning former employees in foreign countries, while Pakistan and Libya would be regular medal contenders if terrorism were a sport. Oh yes, and there are actual slave auctions in Libya.
The criteria on which our alleged happiness is based are: GDP per capita, social support, life expectancy, freedom to make life choices, generosity and perceptions of corruption. As opposed to just asking people how often they smile.
If they had simply asked South Africans how happy they are, we would have done much better. Why wouldn’t we be happy when we have these things:
Parliament and our politicians
Where in the world are you going to find an MP roasting a cabinet minister for her posh accent? What do Scandinavian parliamentarians know about “Nkaaandlaaaaa” or “Thixo wase George Goch”? When last did you hear a member of a Russian political party tell a journalist that the thing in their pants was rubbish? We can lament the state of our government all we want but we can’t deny that our politicians provide bum-clenchingly good entertainment.
Black Twitter is essentially just an exercise in getting people to laugh out loud during meetings. Between memes, hashtags and live reviews of dating shows, you’re always guaranteed a good laugh on Twitter. Just try to steer clear of the “woke” folk.
Climate
As much as we like to complain about stuff, we have little reason to complain about our weather, especially when we consider other parts of the world.
In what’s supposed to be spring, New York is being ravaged by something called a nor’easter. Apparently this beast is vomiting snow and extremely cold weather everywhere. As a result, people’s daily chores now include shovelling giant piles of snow off the sidewalk and wearing coats furrier than a blow-dried Husky.
We can wear shorts in winter and slip on a jersey if it gets cold. Maybe a jacket if it gets really, really bad.
And it’s not like we get Middle Eastern summers, either.
It’s safe to say that our good friends at the UN have a faulty perception of what happiness is. We have our problems, but suggesting that South Africans are unhappier than people in a stateless country that traffics human beings or gloomier than people driven to suicide because they haven’t seen the sun in three months sounds bizarre.
The UN is surely peddling snake oil, and it’s one that I’m definitely not interested in.