The ‘consciously conscious’ mother

Shanthini Naidoo

Our children are a connection to an ancient part of our souls, someone learned once told me. Which is why I sometimes wonder if part of parenting is a “take two” for our adult selves. An opportunity for our successes to be magnified through them, to fix our mistakes while creating a better experience for them — and our ancient souls. Mothering two little girls, and being aware of the female experience as a mature woman (she who I attempt to be), conscious parenting is my ideal. Now, that isn’t saying the ideal is achieved every day. It is not. Some days are about doors being slammed and tantrums and meltdowns, and that’s just me.

But the best you can do is the best you can do. For my girls, a proper attempt at this life means my helping them be conscious of themselves first.

Let’s start with physical and mental health. Then, be conscious about our behaviour and actions towards other people, the earth, animals and whatever or whoever passes through your environment.

We will try to do this without pleasing everyone all the time, because that pleases nobody.

So to parent well is to consciously try to have the best time in this lifetime, and give you the tools to have the best time.

While you are in my care, we will try to see more, do more and live more. That fed my soul when I worked it out, and I hope it will fill yours. In fact, I know it does, I have seen it when your eyes light up when you see something wondrous and new, be it a ladybug or a view from a hilltop.

Having a conscious connection to our childhood souls also means trying to bring what I worked out in hindsight into your foresight.

Simple things, like how your body is never going to be as amazing as it is right now, so wear the bikini even if you’re shy.

How to be conscious that even as young girls we can be bitches to other little girls, when we are just trying to fit in and be part of the group. There are six-, 60-and 80year-olds who do the same, and that is sad, so let’s try to stop that right now. Be conscious that the group is not always where you need to be.

How to be consciously confident? While I might not have fully figured that one out yet, I am definitely conscious of how to build it up in you, because I now know who tried to break it down in me, and how.

Be conscious that faulted adults can make mistakes by projecting their insecurities onto you. As a mother, I try to be aware of when I am doing it.

Adults can say silly things — often about your appearance, your lovely long toes and your beautiful frizzy hair — which can stay with you. But for as long as I can, I will block that shit out of your path.

And let’s try to be woke, severely conscious about what is right and wrong in the world. That I can help you with because, if nothing else, I know my virtue and values.

I want you to learn to be especially conscious when a special someone is messing you around and when they are revering you, which can sometimes click a little late. If I am conscious of it, I will help you see it and appreciate it.

But my goal is that you become aware by yourselves. I will try, consciously.

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