HOGARTH
Once jail boss, next jailbird?
Former SARS boss and confirmed Zupta stooge Tom Moyane is at the centre of an entire judicial inquiry into how the revenue service was captured under his watch. Among those who testified at the inquiry were Moyane’s former deputy at SARS, Ivan Pillay, who revealed some of the man’s idiosyncrasies, including an affinity for meeting people in jails. Pillay told the hearing how Moyane once summoned him to a meeting at the Pretoria Central prison. Hogarth is aware that Moyane was once prisons boss, but if that kind of place is his preferred meeting spot, he’d better get used to the view.
Grace gets ahead of herself
Trust Grace Mugabe to make the most of a situation. Now that she is no longer first lady and president-inwaiting, The Gracious One Mugabe can tend her geriatric hubby. But it looked suspicious when, after an attempt on the life of President Emmerson Mnangagwa, she gave a victory sign in Singapore where her husband is receiving treatment. She hadn’t yet heard The Crocodile had survived.
Auntie Pat muzzles Mazzone
Someone must let Hogarth know when Natasha Mazzone, she of “dark-skinned” ancestors, decides to remove the foot from her mouth. The self-appointed DA and City of Cape Town spokeswoman must not rub Auntie Pat up the wrong way if she knows what’s good for her. Boy, was the auntie in a bad mood in an open letter to Mazzone, warning blondie to stop peddling falsehoods about her. “Like all previous scripted spokespersons, my advice to you is to read and understand your script, before you so eagerly do interviews. You would be wise to heed my advice,” scolded De Lille. Hell hath no fury like a tannie winning in court.
No JZ, so friendship suffers
Nowadays the commander-in-chief of the overall brigade and old Terror Lekota don’t cope well together. But even they took the ridiculous to the extreme in Limpopo in their disagreement at the hearings exploring a possible amendment to the constitution to allow for land expropriation. Committee chairman Vincent Smith had to come between Tweedledee and Tweedledum to stop them embarrassing themselves further. Amazing how friendships unravel when JZ is no longer a common enemy.
Poacher Tony turns gamekeeper
It takes a crook to catch one. That must be the only reasonable explanation why the New Dawn warriors at Luthuli House decided that the old skelm Tony Yengeni was the man to chair a team to investigate the prevalence of corruption. We all know the uncle likes accepting little discounts on motor vehicles, and um . . . things of the night, but making him chair anything on corruption is like asking Bathabile Dlamini to head a commission on the dangers of alcohol abuse.
Blue Hairman also a redhead
Poor Hairman Mashaba. The guy was minding his own business selling hair-straightening chemicals to the gullible when the DA came knocking. He probably thought the blue party had no chance of winning when they asked him to stand for mayor of Joburg. What he didn’t bank on was the ANC performing so badly at the polls that it would take the red berets to make him king. He’s paying the price, though, and news out of City Hall is that he can’t so much as cough without asking them for permission. Corridor talk in his own caucus is that he’s an EFF stooge. His new hair product should be named Red Like Me.
Venda financing
It’s true that our monarchs like free things, but even Venda king Toni Mphephu Ramabulana should have smelt a rat when VBS bosses took him from whatever hut he was ruling from to a new house in Dainfern, sports cars and a helicopter. VBS curators have told him to pay back the money. Classic Jim comes to Joburg. Send him back to Venda in a minibus taxi.