After a while, I recognised my symptoms as those of major depression

I was admitted to Life Poortview Psychiatric Hospital on my 37th birthday. It was the best day of my life.

The months leading up to my mental breakdown had been harrowing. I’m a very happy and bubbly person — the life of the party. But I lost all interest in having fun. I was always sleeping. I lost 13kg. I knew that something was wrong.

I didn’t want to do anything. My daughter was five years old. She would come to the bedroom and pry my eyelids open.

I would make promises to her that I wouldn’t keep and she stopped trusting me. Major depression may also result in hating loud sounds or noise. My husband bought me earplugs. Nothing worked.

Everything was too noisy. The worst part was the inability to make decisions. A simple task, like choosing what to wear to work in the morning, became a burden. I would sit on the bed looking at my clothes and cry. After a while, I recognised my symptoms as those of major depression. I told a few friends but I guess because I was on autopilot nobody believed me. Autopilot is acting normal on the outside and falling apart inside. I had mastered the act. Eventually on April 1 2013, my body gave up. I woke up and I was unable to function.

My son was 16 months old.

He was awake because he needed a nappy change. In my mind I knew that I had to get up, walk to his room and change his nappy. My body refused to budge. I lay there crying and eventually I called Dr Natasha Davies — a colleague and friend. I told her what I was going through.

She listened, and advised me to call my GP. Dr Marlin McKay was at the house within two hours. He diagnosed me almost immediately. Two days later I was at Life Poortview. It was the best three weeks of my life. Therapy was amazing. I was started on antidepressants and stayed on them until 2016. I am back to normal and doing better than ever before. My diagnosis has helped me to become a better clinician. And I use my story to help others.