TELLY

Joburg’s ‘real’ housewives might give you FOMO and the medium might turn you violent, writes

Desperate housewives of Joburg exposed

Idon’t think I’ve picked something from 1Magic (channel 103) before, but the perfect opportunity to remedy that arrived in my inbox: The Real Housewives of Johannesburg, which started on Friday and will run every Friday at 7pm with frequent repeats during the week. It’s exactly what you think it is; a local version of the several US shows of the same name — a magazine-style peek into the lives of some glamorous local women as they drive hot cars, buy ludicrously expensive clothing and drink expensive champagne, all while you struggle to pay your medical aid and put your kids through school.

I don’t get the appeal, but far be it for me to tell you what to do with your leisure time. The show features six rich women: mother and daughter Evodia and Mercy Mogase, both health freaks; spa owner Brinnette Seopela, pictured right; Miss Botswana contestant and law student Naledi Willers, the wife of Naked DJ; businesswoman and aspiring singer Christall Kay; and avid golfer and mother Busisiwe Ter Mors, aka Lendy. I’m probably supposed to wrap up this pick with a chic recommendation saying how “fiery” they are or something, but this is one of those “other people” shows I don’t get. I’ve given you the information, take it and go.

White-knuckle wheel-spinning

We have another local show starting this month: Amarok: Spirit of Mzansi, equal parts promotion of the eponymous bakkie, the Volkswagen Amarok, and reality race show. Given the nature of the contest, I’m sure the two teams of four amateur off-roaders racing for a grand cash prize will be driving the 4x4 version of the vehicle. The race will last five days with each day containing a two-leg event on rough terrain, alongside communities most of us didn’t know existed apparently — so you can get an education and white-knuckle wheelspinning all at the same time. If that sounds like your thing, it’s starting on Saturday August 18 at 9.30pm on Mzansi Magic, channel 161.

When you can’t unsee it

Here’s an item I simply had to mention because it had me nearly punch my monitor when I read about it: Long Island Medium, TLC, channel 135, starting Tuesday August 28 at 8pm. I find psychics, mediums and other woopeddlers loathsome in the extreme, especially if they’re making money at it.

You don’t have to be a James Randi-level debunker to realise they’re full of it: all you have to do is present them with a picture of someone living, tell them they’re dead, lead them down the garden path as they spout their messages/visions regarding the “deceased”, then sit back and watch their dumbfounded stare when you reveal the person whose spirit they’re supposedly in congress with is alive — and, worse still, watch dumbfounded as the person in line behind you pushes past for their turn, seemingly having learnt nothing from seeing the charlatan exposed.

Unfortunately, although these frauds bear the largest part of the blame, people who simply want to believe it’s true are also part of the problem. But what’s the harm, right? Theresa Caputo turns over all proceeds from her readings to charity. But I’m sure that’s not moral teflon or anything. She also has a twoyear waiting list for anyone requesting a reading — standard practice for these people which I’m sure isn’t used to do some investigation beforehand.

If you’re anything like me, sit well out of punching range of your TV during this one, and try not to have anything throwable on hand.

It’s a catastrophe

Let’s see if I can jam one more in here. How about … Hard Sun, M-Net, channel 101, Thursdays at 10pm? It’s a BritishAmerican sci-fi crime drama type of thing. Two London cops discover the government is hiding information about a global catastrophe that will occur in five years, and once in possession of this knowledge they’re hunted by shadowy agent types who want to silence them.

This could hit a little close to home for me — not because I’m a conspiracy theorist, but I have several friends who are, and they subject me to their lunacy fairly frequently. Why are all my friends insane?