Tsamaya

This week’s soccer buzz

● WANTED: Themba Zwane aka Mshishi, Mamelodi Sundowns wing wizard.

CRIME: Assault with intent to do grievous bodily harm by executing a shibobo that caused sudden paralysis on Sibusiso Mbonani, who hit the turf like a sack of potatoes and was forced to use his cheek — or was it his ear — to come to a screeching stop.

The Polokwane police detained Zwane and released him on a warning, sternly reprimanding him that a repeat offence will leave them with no choice but to effect a warrant of arrest and a search warrant for Zwane’s bag of dangerous tricks.

RECOMMENDATION: Zwane must do community service by donating hours of his time massaging Mbonani’s neck until the end of the season.

● A Kaizer Chiefs player recently revealed, rather bizarrely, that he and his colleagues found it difficult to understand the methods of previous boss Steve Komphela. It seems Bloemfontein Celtic players are smarter and have quickly grasped Komphela’s polished language so well that they’ve won both their opening two matches and are sitting second on the log. Chiefs, on the other hand, are languishing in 13th spot, with no win and four goals conceded. It seems the peeps down in Naturena are struggling to understand the “solosophy” delivered in Itanglish by coach Giovanni Solinas, alias Giyani Selina, a graduate from the Mind Your Language University.

● The MTN8 trophy, that piece of silverware shaped like an oversized double exhaust pipe of a truck, is the only piece missing from the Mamelodi Sundowns puzzle under coach Pitso Mosimane. "It’s a good competition for the players financially, because you play four games and you win R8m. To win the Premiership is 26 more games and a R2m difference (in prize money). I'm not a financial guy, but with my limited knowledge, I think maybe the MTN8 is the easy one to win for money.

“I think that the boys need it and once they win it our generous president gives them all of the money. So I hope they don’t say: ‘Let’s win this one, it’s four games, it’s R2m less than the R10m (for winning the Premiership). Why should we fight for 30 games for the difference of maybe 10% or 20%’.”

Mosimane has a point. It has been 10 years since Absa joined forces with the league as the headline sponsor, but the winner’s cheque for wearing the championship crown has remained at R10m. A classic case of one plus one not always adding up to two.