HOGARTH
Zuma masala sparks bloat epidemic
It’s been a roller-coaster ride at the state capture inquiry, especially with Facebook enthusiast and former ANC MP Vytjie Mentor taking deputy chief justice Raymond Zondo on a scenic tour of Saxonwold. The poor judge had to hear how ministers snubbed Mentor in China, and how she can tell the Gupta brothers apart through differences in physique and “obesity”.
She gave the judge a guided tour of the inside of the Gupta house in Saxonwold, including the interior of the bathroom.
One rather awkward moment was when Mentor testified that she did not want to go with the Guptas to meet Zuma at night in China. “I cannot go and hand myself to a man that’s got a reputation with women on a silver platter, driven by strange people,” she said.
From the sound of things, Baba kaDuduzane had already served himself up on a silver platter to the Saxonwold overlords.
Call it an in situ inspection
Former government spokesperson Themba Maseko described his own meeting with Ajay Gupta in Saxonwold, mercifully avoiding descriptions of the couches and curtains. He related how he received two calls from Rajesh and then Ajay as he was driving to the North West one Friday evening.
Advocate Vincent Maleka SC, leading evidence, asked Maseko where he had been going.
Sun City, Maseko replied.
“What were you going to do there?” asked Maleka. “Hawu. Mr Maleka,” Zondo interjected, apparently worried that Maleka might dig up private information not related to the inquiry.
It turns out the trip was just to watch golf.
Hogarth is considering arranging an all-expenses-paid weekend for the judge at Sun City — especially if Auntie Vytjie returns for another marathon session.
What all that masala turned into
It was about to hit the fan in the City of Tshwane council chambers on Thursday and DA councillor Kate Prinsloo was ready. “S**t happens in politics,” she exclaimed as the meeting called to oust mayor Solly Msimanga got quite heated. Lesego Makhubela from the ANC benches couldn’t take the stench. “I’m asking that she withdraw s**t, because s**t is about to happen.”
It did happen, all right, but not in the way Makhubela and his comrades expected. They were left eating the stuff as the speaker overruled the EFF’s motion of no confidence on a technicality. Makhubela & Co should ask their brothers in the City of Cape Town to teach them poo-throwing. That’s the preferred mode of protest for those the voters have long deserted.
Minority rule makes a comeback
This week in Nelson Mandela Bay, a mayor was quietly removed from office. As Times Select columnist Tom Eaton pointed out on Twitter, that mayor came from a party with 47% of the electoral support but was given the boot by a still-bitter party with 41%, at the behest of a party with 5%. To top it off, the new mayor comes from a party with 2% of the votes in the municipality. No, men, size doesn’t matter.
For he’s a jolly crusty old fellow
Hogarth officially appoints Prince Mangosuthu Buthelezi as our national guard against ageism. Shenge earned this honour when he added a twist to the monotonous Happy Birthday song. While the rest of us usually smile awkwardly at the “How old are you now?” part of this melody, the birthday boy made it clear that his age was no-one’s business, in the smoothest tenor ever. It’s good to see the IFP leader has taken his sense of humour and vigilance against ageism into his 90s. Ahhh Sokalisa!
If it happened to Mugabe at 93 …
Hogarth wants to add his voice to those wishing Shenge a happy 90th. But at the risk of upsetting the chief, we have to ask, when are you retiring, Sir?