HOGARTH
WRITE TO HOGARTH@SUNDAYTIMES.CO.ZA
Have you tried switching off and on?
Old Hogarth almost forgot we were once subjected to the lunacy of Hlaudi Motsoeneng, Faith Muthambi, and the river himself, Mosebenzi Zwane. They’re old news — there’s a new queen of eccentricity in town, Sars IT boss Mmamathe Makhekhe-Mokhuane, below.
Her interview on SABC TV exposed her as a paragon of incompetence. She ducked questions and uttered whatever came to mind. When veteran presenter Sakina Kamwendo pushed hard to get answers, Makhekhe-Mokhuane pleaded with her to “protect me from yourself”. No Makhekhe-Mokhuane, it is Sars that needs protection from yourself. McBuffalo’s New Yawn has a long way to go to convince us our country is in good hands if Makhekhe-Mokhuane’s ilk still occupy such powerful positions.
Question of protocol
She was not done. Later on that day she made an appearance at the Nugent commission of inquiry into Sars, where she repeated her stunt. At some point she asked judge Robert Nugent to protect her from advocate Frances Hobden’s line of questioning. But she really hit a raw nerve when, after responding to a question, she screamed: “Next question!”
“It is not for you to say next question … if you don’t mind,” retorted Nugent. Silly season is in full swing.
What number am I thinking of?
The leadership of the Red Berets is apparently quite multi-skilled. Apart from bringing economic freedom in our lifetime and ejecting finance ministers through blackmail, they also have forensic investigation skills. The Commander-in-Thief told a media briefing that party leaders examined his deputy Floyd Shivambu’s bank statements and could not locate any money from VBS Mutual Bank. Hogarth is really impressed. Money laundering involves camouflaging illegal payments. But, by merely glancing at bank statements, Juju was able to conclude that Furious Floyd received no VBS money. Hogarth hopes young Juju will deploy his telepathic skills to give him the Lotto numbers next.
That’s some valuable advice
The Commander-in-Thief demanded to know why Brian Answer Shivambu had become the face of the VBS scandal when there were 52 other recipients of payments, including ANC leaders. He said Brian was not an office bearer of the Red Berets but had designed and sold party merchandise, whereafter his entrepreneurial spirit blossomed and he landed a R16m contract for advisory services for Vele Investments. It is still unclear what advice Brian was offering. Hogarth hopes it was not fashion tips because, based on the EFF’s bull-enraging costumes, the people of Limpopo really should get their money back.
Le IFP, c’est moi
The 90-year-old Fresh Prince of Ulundi is in the Guinness book of records for giving a speech in the KwaZulu legislature that lasted 11 days, back in 1993. Hogarth is not sure if he holds the same record for leading a political party, having been at the helm of the IFP since its formation in 1975. The retirement of the life president is long overdue. But sorry to the younger ones in the party who are eyeing the position. It seems umtwana is not yet ready to pack his bags for the retirement village. The IFP’s elective conference, which was set for this coming week, has been postponed indefinitely. Hogarth wouldn’t be surprised if Shenge’s smiley face graces IFP election posters next year. And in 2024.
He’s been around the block
Our not-so-new finance minister Tito Mboweni is known for his witty, sharp tongue. True to form, he provided a colourful moment when he jested with members of the finance committee.
“I look forward to working with you … I hope you will be nice to me as a committee until the end of the year.
“There is something known as the maiden years. I hope you will grant me pleasant maiden years,” he said.
This comes from a political dinosaur who broke his cabinet virginity in 1994.