HOGARTH

Blue swoon for Duduzane

O ur Nxamza of the week has to be Duduzane Zuma. The young Zuma unleashed the Nkandla charm on Desperate Alliance supporters who had been bused to the Randburg magistrate’s court to protest against him. Instead of booing the Nkandla Crooner’s son, a group of young women dressed in DA T-shirts caused a mini-stampede outside court, wrestling for the chance to hug and take a photo with young Zuma. Not even Mini-Obama gets such love from the blue army. Considering that the Desperate Alliance has a shortage of charismatic leaders, maybe it’s time it recruited a Zuma … any Zuma.

He’s more than just a minister

There are arrogant politicians, and then there is Tito Mboweni. Our not-so-new finance minister is well known for holding himself in very high regard. Remember how he moaned on Twitter about being turned away from the VIP terminal at the OR Tambo International Airport? As if that were not enough, old Tito told scribes he was not at the same level as his cabinet colleagues. “You know I was trying to explain to some of the colleagues, calling me minister, minister. I was saying, you know, there are levels. So there’s a governor … mhh … levels, and a minister,” said Mboweni to giggles from the fourth estate and government officials. “So together with governor [Lesetja] Kganyago, we’ve agreed that he’s the 10th governor of the SA Reserve Bank, so I’m the eighth governor, so you’re welcome to call me governor.” What about Super Minister? Yea or nay?

This is your real governor speaking

The real governor finally had his turn to speak after Mboweni had hogged the microphone for most of the briefing. “I have the mic, you know you can’t rule from the grave,” said Kganyago to Mboweni. A very polite way to say: “Get off your high horse, Tito.”

Speaker with a sharp tongue

If we had a klap-back of the week award, it would go to Speaker (don’t laugh, it’s his real name) Mahlake of the Landless Movement. Mahlake was minding his own business at the constitutional review committee dealing with the land question when the tjatjarag deputy commander-in-thief of the Red Berets, Floyd Shivambu, asked him: “Who funds this organisation?”

“Fortunately enough, we are not funded by VBS,” retorted Mahlake. For once, Brian’s brother was speechless.

Maynier follows Hogarth

And then came this blow from the DA’s David Maynier during a debate on the great bank heist. “The commander of what is now becoming known as the EFTs is not a commander-in-chief, he’s a commander-in-thief.” Maynier must be a fan of this column.

Calling up colonial ghosts

The prospect of losing the land without being compensated is giving our right-wingers sleepless nights. Some are hallucinating in public. What’s with AfriForum’s deputy CEO Ernst Roets claiming to have spoken to Jan van Riebeeck, the original Dutch colonial administrator? “I spoke with Jan van Riebeeck last night. He says he’s going to do bad things to SA if expropriation without compensation happens,” Roets said. Hogarth has questions for Mr Roets: Did you burn impepho? Did you slaughter a springbok? Did you invite Mosiuoa Lekota to the conversation? Can you let us talk to Jan too?

Poor ‘who didn’t lose’ lost a bundle

Enoch Godongwana, the man in charge of the ANC’s economic policy, this week tweeted that the poor who banked with VBS “didn’t lose a cent” because the state bailed them out. Hogarth is no finance guru, but doesn’t the state’s money come from taxpayers, many of whom are poor? So in the end, the poor, whose lives could have benefited from that same bailout money, did lose out. It is simple finance. Next time you invite the banks to Luthuli House, perhaps you could ask them about it.