HOGARTH

King of the comeback

Not-Jimmy Manyi took the hot seat at the Zondo commission, where he played a good game of hideand-seek — dodging questions and blowing hot air.

His testimony was loud enough to rouse COPE from its perpetual slumber, prompting the one-man-and-a-faxmachine political party to issue a statement condemning his evidence. COPE said Manyi’s evidence and attitude at the commission showed him to be “a hostile and untruthful witness”.

Not-Jimmy retorted with a hot klap-back: “My family alone is bigger than COPE.”

We hate to admit it, but Hogarth has to agree with Manyi on this one.

Questionable tactic

The failed media mogul argued for the recusal of the evidence leader, advocate Vincent Maleka, claiming he was questioning him like a criminal. This was after Maleka dismantled Not-Jimmy’s flimsy claim that The New Age did not get preferential advertising from the government.

It seems Not-Jimmy wanted to mimic his Gupta friends by removing someone good at his job and replacing him with somebody he thought he could manipulate. When he realised that his goose would be cooked irrespective of who asked him the questions, Not-Jimmy gave up the fight and allowed Maleka to get on with disembowelling him.

And justices for all

Hogarth was pleasantly surprised that his favourite grumpy uncle, Gwede Mantashe, was so polite and co-operative at the Zondo commission. Uncle Gweezy has a penchant for telling people they are asking the wrong questions — from journalists to community activists.

Then again, it occurs to Hogarth that Uncle Gweezy has never had to answer questions in front of a judge before. It seems this is what made him less cantankerous than usual. Hogarth suggests to his much-battered friends in the media that they invite a judge along to Gweezy’s press engagements from now on.

Down, Wagter

Baba kaDuduzane’s yapping poodle Carl Niehaus tasted a bit of the limelight again when the Nkandla Crooner appeared at the Pietermaritzburg high court on Friday. The pathological liar’s target was former deputy chief justice Dikgang Moseneke. Niehaus, peeved that Moseneke called Baba kaD a “bumbling fool”, told him to “watch out”.

Moseneke must be trembling at the thought of an old man in cheap combat attire, who hops and skips in the shadow of his so-called president, coming after him. Worry not, justice Moseneke, the worst harm that may befall you is Niehaus falsely declaring you dead.

Red rib tickler

Now that Hogarth and his colleagues have been banned from events organised by the Red Berets, we will no longer be reporting the hearsay dished out by the Gossiperin-Chief. Instead, there’s this: as more skeletons tumbled out of the closet about the Reds stealing from the poor while pretending to fight corruption, ordinary citizens found humour in the whole mess. Take this tweet from Gustav M Meyer: “A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, ‘Give me your money.’ The person in a red overall, shocked by the sudden attack, said, ‘You cannot do this, I’m an EFF member of parliament!’ The thief replied, ‘In that case, give me MY money!’ ”

A man of distinctions

So Desperate Alliance chief whip John Steenhuisen was last week exposed for lacking a university degree. That did not stop the blue party from fielding him as a speaker during a debate on the National Qualifications Framework Amendment Bill. The proud high school graduate used the opportunity to klap the Reds, after they mocked him for avoiding university corridors. “The EFF like to dress up as miners and domestic workers but they don’t want miners and domestic workers to be represented in this house … It amazes me that this party of academic elitists is the one party that resorts to thuggery and chaos in this house,” Steenhuisen said. Give that man a student card!