HOGARTH
Twit out of Twitter retirement
Baba kaD is so bored with retirement that he has now decided to “move with the time” and join social media. Everybody is reporting the move as if it were the first time the Nkandla Crooner had ventured into the world of LOLs and 280 characters.
As Msholozi’s peer, Hogarth remembers a time when Atul’s friend thought he was being cool by setting up a Twitter account while masquerading as our country’s president. It ended in tears with his Twitter followers bashing Msholozi for using his account to prop up a TV show that his daughter had got via him being buddy buddy with the Acamedic Intellectual, which is how Haludi once described himself.
Hogarth wonders, though, who, among his enemies, he’ll be sub-tweeting first before Christmas: the PipeSmoking One or the McDonald’s Buffalo Soldier?
Tickling the ivories, or the fancy?
Hogarth couldn’t help notice that Msholozi was sitting in front of a piano as he announced his decision to delve into cyberspace. The man’s playing skills aren’t well documented, but Hogarth fears there would be a lot of Umshini Wam, The Instrumental Version, on his timeline.
Open house in the in-box
Atechnology-savvy colleague discovered that Baba kaD’s Twitter direct messages are open, which means anyone can send a message to his in-box. Old Hog is not suggesting you start stalking the poor man from Nkandla, but he is the only one who can tell when he’ll pay back the money spent on his legal fees as per the court’s directive.
Raising the bar, or holding it up?
McBuffalo had an interview with Radio 702 in which he took questions about everything under the sun, including why Bathabile Dlamini was still a minister in his cabinet. Cupcake shocked everyone when he came to Sis Batha’s defence, telling Xolani Gwala that the incompetent one had raised the bar on how the country should deal with gender-based violence. As far as Hogarth can remember,
Sis Batha has not done anything substantial, aside from defending patriarchy within the ruling party. It is the same Dlamini who supported a man to become deputy president when a woman was nominated. Was McBuffalo not referring to the Saxonwold shebeen bar tab?
Tripartite of the teeny tots
In another clear case of grandeur, Hlaudi Motsoeneng says his party, the African Content Movement (ACM) — a name better suited to an intercontinental logistics company — will propel him into the presidency. Hogarth has a suggestion. The Cloudy One should join forces with Tom Moyane and Jimmy Manyi. Together they could be the tripartite alliance of the Anti-Cyril Movement, a title better suited to Hlaudi’s true intentions.
Hair today …
Hlaudi’s economic turnaround strategy, should his goal of becoming our No 1 come to fruition, involves kicking out foreign-owned businesses after 30 years and growing and exporting black hair to compete with those Brazilian weaves. Under this policy, SA would probably pass a hair expropriation without compensation bill, whereby black hair would be nationalised and sold off by the state. At least it’s a sustainable resource.
Florence’s not-so-merry Christmas
So when Florence Radzilani, mayor of a poor town in Limpopo, donated R300m to the VBS crooks, she apparently “cried” that the R300,000 bribe she was offered was not enough. According to the Great Bank Heist report, she told the other crooks who were sent to loot municipalities that junior officials had received bribes of up to R1.5m. Radzilani and other mayors who sank R1.5bn of taxpayers’ money into the VBS pit have since been fired. This is sadly not the “Christmas” she had been crying for.
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