HOGARTH
Dudgeon we have heard on high
It’s just as well not much happens in Slaapstad at this time of year, since its premier, the Western Cape’s Helen Zille, has spent the past few days on Twitter.
Godzille is furious about public protector Busisiwe Mkhwebane’s latest finding against her, and Hogarth rapidly ran out of fingers and toes on which to tally her tweets.
He jotted down a few of her ripostes to those brave enough to tag her — “epitome of cluelessness”, “halfwit”, “wilfully ignorant outrage manufacturer” and “pathetic troll” were all there, with many “idiots”.
But it was media personality Redi Tlhabi who came up with Hogarth’s favourite klapback of the week, in response to a tweet that concluded “FFS”. Tlhabi countered: “Don't you EVER address me with FFS. Debate but DO NOT try this experiment again. I will mop the floor with your hair.”
Someone guide his sleigh tonight
I t turns out the man who manages the public purse, treasury director-general Dondo Mogajane, is not as squeaky clean as he should be.
Mkhwebane found that Mogajane misled his appointing authorities when he failed to disclose a criminal record stemming from a traffic offence.
A few hours after Mkhwebane issued her report, Mogajane’s boss, Tito Mboweni, appeared to be gunning for him on Twitter.
“Let those with traffic offences please put their hands up! A very important conversation will follow,” tweeted Mboweni.
With a boss like that, Mogajane will be hoping his Christmas leave never ends.
Gonna find out who’s naughty & nice
F ikile “Razzmatazz” Mbalula, self-proclaimed Mr Fearf*kol, has been exposed as a liar by Mkhwebane. For the whole of last year, it emerged, a company supplying sporting clothes to Olympics body Sascoc forked out more than R600k for his family holiday in Dubai in 2016. Former sports minister Mbalula repeatedly claimed he had paid from his own pocket, but the lie was torn to smithereens by Mkhwebane as she confirmed that the razzmatazz jaunt was indeed paid for by Sedgars.
Mbaks, you can lie but you can’t hide!
Ja fine, Noël
T he FF Plus issued its cabinet report card this week, scoring Ramaphosa and his ministers a dismal 0%29%, or FF.
The party argued Ramapostponer’s cabinet has done worse than Zuma’s administration.
It claims Ramaphosa’s biggest flop was going ahead with expropriation of land without compensation.
And because of that, it claims its votes will next year increase to 1-million, up from the paltry 165,000 it obtained last year.
Clearly we are at the height of the silly season.
All I want for Christmas
S o uBaba is officially on social media via Twitter. This week, among other things, he posted a video of himself playing football with children in KwaZulu-Natal.
“Someone please tell Stuart Baxter I’m match-fit,” uBaba ka Duduzane tweeted.
However, Baxter would do well to recall that uBaba is particularly prone to scoring own goals.
Silent night = holy night
B ack to the emerging twitterato, uBaba ka D. He asked his followers on Wednesday night how their day had gone.
“It’s been a great day of public protector findings and your name is not in the report, you can relax sir,” responded one clever user.
It came upon a midnight clear
B ut some were not happy that uBaba was engaging them in the witching hour. “I wonder why you are not sleeping, or you miss reshuffling cabinet at midnight?” asked one follower. It’s the ruthless world of Black Twitter, Baba!