Turn lights down low ... or right off
Gloom reignites spark for some couples, but it could add to stress
● Gauteng couple Helgard and Liechen Muller are simulating power cuts after discovering that the blackouts have the power to put the spark back into their relationship.
When Eskom is not plunging their home at Midstream Estate, near Centurion, into darkness, the couple turn off their lights to enjoy quality time.
“We turn off the lights and sit at the pool. We talk a lot more, fight less because we are actually communicating and not just talking. We spend hours just sitting and talking and singing with our two-year-old daughter Addison,” Liechen said.
Power cuts have also brought their neighbours closer.
“We moved about three weeks ago. Loadshedding is just another reason for us to braai every single night. Everything is quiet and Addison loves it because she gets to play a bit later.
“We get random people coming over for a braai because everyone knows we braai every night. We actually don’t mind load-shedding. We actually enjoy it.”
A study conducted among 20 couples by the Midlands State University in Zimbabwe and published in the International Journal of Development and Sustainability unpacked the impact power cuts had on gender relations in heterosexual households.
One of the main findings of the study was that during power cuts, women are deprived “of areas that traditionally belonged to them, like control of energy use in the household ... giving men more power over women”.
It also found that men complained about delayed, cold meals and missed watching their favourite sport on TV.
They sometimes quarrelled because of these challenges.
Women were found to have less time to rest because of household chores that had to be planned when the lights were on.
Men coped with power cuts by going out to pubs and clubs whereas women bought takeaways and sometimes missed religious services to accommodate household chores like cooking and ironing.
In SA, power cuts are causing tension in some household relationships and strengthening others, relationship experts say.
Nadia Thonnard, a counsellor and mediator, and founder of the South African Divorce Support Association, said the impact of power cuts could either reignite the spark in a relationship, or pull the plug on it.
“Without the distraction that they have in their everyday life — be it technology, social media, television — couples have no other choice than to sit down at a table, in front of each other, have dinner and speak. This would definitely promote that reconnection and rediscovery of one another.”
On the other hand, power cuts force some couples to face the discomfort of a strained relationship.
“Technology, social media and television have allowed them to ignore the signs of a stressed relationship and now suddenly faced with that one-on-one time with no distraction brings in a realisation that their relationship should actually be given the permission to part,” said Thonnard.
Durban psychologist Rakhi Beekrum said one of the biggest challenges facing couples during power cuts was a lack of support.
“If one partner has to bear the larger burden of planning so the family is minimally affected, and feels unsupported by the spouse, resentment begins to grow.”
Beekrum said that when combined, micro-stressors — such as missing your morning cup of coffee, getting to work late due to robots not working, power cuts interrupting meal preparation, and even the electronic house gate not working because there is no power — can lead to a person feeling overwhelmed.
“When we are stressed as individuals, we are less emotionally available for our partners, which can easily create distance between couples,” she said.