How to handle matric mania
● As the matric class of 2023 brace for the release of their final results this week, experts are warning teens and parents to be prepared for bad news as well as good.
“It’s unavoidable. Every year you will get those kids who fail or didn’t quite get the marks for their preferred university or field of study,” said education expert Noel McDermott, CEO of Mental Health Works.
“This is a really difficult time and what parents in particular need to do is avoid toxic positivity or avoiding the very real emotional responses that come up,” said McDermott.
“We all know it is not actually the end of the world, but for a teenager who has worked really hard and not done well, it does feel like the end of the world and they need their feelings to be acknowledged.”
A measured response is called for — both in situations where matriculants do well and are tempted to head off on madcap celebrations and where teenagers have not reached their goals, said educational psychologist and senior lecturer at the University of Johannesburg, Prof Veronica Dwarika.
“These days we tend to see situations where matriculants experience a huge amount of pressure from their parents, who lash out and play the blame game rather than recognise and appreciate their kids for the work they have done. That first reaction by parents is critical because a teenager who has just finished school needs to feel safe in their internal world before thinking outside of that,” Dwarika said.
Fatima Seedat, development manager at the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), said it has not yet received an abnormally high number of calls from matriculants, but expects an upswing closer to the release of results on Friday.
“The calls we are receiving are general requests for information about registration or what help they can access if they need to rewrite,” she said.
Seedat said this is a particularly stressful time for teenagers feeling anxious about the future. “We encourage people to keep letting the matrics know that no matter the outcome there are always alternatives and other options. The Sadag helpline is open 24 hours a day and a counsellor will always be there for anyone calling in.”
Dwarika said parents need to be aware of the signs or symptoms from youngsters in trouble, and to intervene. “It’s absolutely normal for them to be feeling stressed but watch for depressive symptoms like isolation or endless tears that indicate when a child is not coping.”
Another strategy is to explore the next steps in situations where results are not optimal or high enough for the candidate to follow their chosen course of study. “There are always other options like work programmes, internships, TVET colleges in cases where marks are not high enough for university,” Dwarika said.
McDermott recommended “normalising as opposed to abnormalising the situation” by acknowledging reality, validating disappointment and managing emotions rather than suppressing or avoiding them.
“It’s a confusing situation in which biology is important. When bad news is received the body literally goes into survival mode and kicks into fight, flight or freeze modes,” he said. People must acknowledge when they feel bad and understand it will take time to find their balance again. The basics of exercise, good diet, socialising, decent sleep, avoiding excess alcohol and breathing or meditation strategies are helpful.
Clinical psychologist Liane Lurie suggested teens and parents do their best to avoid “black and white” thinking by viewing poor results as a final determination of future prospects. “The fact is that young people don’t yet know all the possibilities that are out there. A lot of their views are drawn from what they see on TV and in movies, and those are not accurate portrayals of real-life professions. There are many other ways of getting work experience that can segue into various fields,” she said.
Parents need to be aware of their own bias, she added, and the unintended pressure it puts on children when they project their own unfulfilled dreams on them. “When parents express their own deep disappointment to their children, it can have tragic results,” she warned.
Education spokesperson Elijah Mhlanga said the department offers a “second-chance matric support programme” for pupils who fail to pass their national senior certificate. “The overarching objective is to offer young people a second chance to obtain a matric. This will improve their quality of life and integrate them back into the education system for a second chance at a qualification enabling them to enter the job market.”