Valentine’s madness for the loaded
Love comes in all shapes and sizes, especially on February 14.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, love is in the air, but so is a whiff of the bizarre as South Africa’s retailers and service providers unleash a wave of extravagant, cheesy and downright nonsensical deals.
From crafted chocolates and decadent dinners to pet pampering and roses that never die, here’s a rundown of some unusual offers on the market this season.
First up is dining in the sky for those seeking to elevate their romantic dinner experience. For a shade under R1,000 each, lovebirds in Johannesburg can enjoy a starry dinner while strapped to a table suspended by a crane, dangling high above the ground while they feast on a five-course meal.
The experience lasts three hours. Drinks are not included but can be ordered from the bar, while a photo shoot in the sky is an optional extra.
For those who prefer to remain on the ground, Greensleeves Kingdom is hosting a Valentine’s event offering pageantry and splendour amid the boisterous, bawdy thrill of medieval feasting. You’ll be addressed as “milord” and “milady”, served by wenches and lackeys in period costume, with a flourish of trumpets. It’s R365 per person for a three-course meal and a glass of bubbly on arrival.
Makro online is offering a “high quality preserved rose that has its origins in the highlands of Cape Town”. It’s a tall dome encasing a single royal blue rose that is promised to never wilt.
“Thanks to our specific treatment our preserved roses, also known as forever roses or eternity roses, will proverbially never wilt,” states the product description, offering a single eternity rose in a dome for R1,000, discounted from R1,200. But for those who prefer ordinary flowers, extravagant deals are being offered by Netflorist. Their offers range from “Blooms of Red Hot Love”, where for R6,999.95 you get 100 red roses in red tissue wrapping, down to “Starry Rose in a Heart” for R299 — three rose buds in a small red heart-shaped ceramic vase.
For those who prefer their pets to people, Takealot is offering a Sweetheart Valentine’s pet waistcoat for R309, and for girl dogs there is a red-and-white frilly dress for R525.
For romantics who like to express their love with chocolate, the range on offer is staggering. At the top end is a Cape-based supplier of nutrition, fitness and health products, NineLife South Africa, whose selection of chocolate treats come with price tags that make the eyes bleed.
A gift box of Patchi Ballotin milk chocolates for R5,839.20, a Godiva Chocolatier gold gift box filled with 140 assorted bite-size chocolates for R9,032.40, or a single nougat bar — the Francois Pralus Barre Infernale Lait Bar for R52,725.60 — are all on offer. There are, of course, discounts for bulk purchases.
At the other end of the spectrum, Takealot is offering a square cardboard box filled with an Aero, a Tex, a Lunch Bar, a Caramello bar, a KitKat, a Crunchie, a Cadbury’s chocolate slab and a small packet of jelly sweets, topped with a lid proclaiming “Thank you for being in my life”. That show of love will set you back R330, excluding delivery.