BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE

RE: Ndumiso Ngcobo’s column on insults, there are a couple more Churchill gems that you may find amusing. In his early days in parliament there was a rival MP called Lady Astor who was known for her sharp words. In the heat of debate with Winston Churchill she said: “If I was your wife I would put poison in your coffee,” to which he replied: “Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it.”

There was some rivalry between Churchill and the playwright George Bernard Shaw, who sent Churchill tickets for the opening night of his new play with a note saying, “Here are two tickets for you and a friend, if you have one.” Churchill returned the tickets, saying, “Regret cannot make opening night but could come another night, if there is one.”

In the days of the previous regime in South Africa the sharp wit of United Party member Harry Lawrence was worth a mention. He once called a National Party MP a snake in the grass. The speaker ordered him to apologise to the honourable member. Lawrence hesitated a second, then said: “Very well, I apologise to the honourable mamba.” — Mike Taylor