Call to control conflict

Children pick up racist cues, say experts

EXPERTS have made fresh calls to adults to refrain from boorish, violent and racist behaviour when dealing with conflict, especially in the presence of children.

When adults lose their tempers, children are often caught in the crossfire and believe violence and aggression settle disputes, says Linda Naidoo, an independent child rights specialist.

She was responding to two incidents that went viral on social media this week.

One of the videos, which zoomed in on a fight between two young men at Durban’s Sibaya Casino’s children’s play area, had drawn 179000 views, 752 likes and 1000 comments by Friday.

The footage showed a girl, accompanied by an man, playing a video game. Two young men started a fight and they pushed each other around. One of the men fell onto the girl, knocked her to the ground, then trampled on her as he got to his feet to continue his fight.

In response, the adult male rushed to the girl’s aid and began trading blows with the young men.

A lone security official stopped the skirmish almost a minute after the fighting began, which happened in full view of other children in the play area.

The other video that drew massive reaction was the “racist Spur restaurant” incident, which happened on Sunday.

There, a group of children got ringside seats to a fiery exchange between a white man and a black woman, which was loaded with vulgar and racist comments.

“That is why school violence, whether it is bullying, sexual or physical violence, is so high.

“Because kids are continuously exposed to adults who are not able to handle conflict situations,” Naidoo reasoned.

She said children were prone to follow the example set by role models: “If my dad is a bully, then I’ll be a bully.”

“In South Africa, being violent is still a way of life in many homes. Adults need to realise that it is easier to act in a volatile manner in a conflict situation than to show restraint. Therefore, this is of great importance

“If some parents display racist behaviour in public, I wonder what is being said at home.”

Counselling psychologist Rakhi Beekrum said aggressive and violent methods of addressing problems could evoke fear and anxiety in children.

“They may even begin to fear their own parents. Raised voices and aggressive body language distracts one from the spoken word so others do not focus on what you are saying,” Beekrum said.

She believes when resolving conflict responsibly in front of children, we teach them that it is okay to disagree with others as long as there is mutual respect.

“It is a parent’s primary responsibility to protect their children from such topics – at home or in social situations.”