Party-smart teens enjoy good, clean fun

PARTY season is here again – office parties, private parties, festive parties – but perhaps the trickiest from a parent’s point of view is the teenage party.

Teenagers are happy to see the end of classrooms, exams, and the school year and now want to have some fun.

Most teens are trustworthy.

But even for them, it is good for parents and guardians to make some rules: it gives them some guidelines on what you expect of them and how they can handle negative peer pressure.

As a rule, some parents don’t allow their teens to go to parties because they don’t want to expose them to the risk of alcohol, drugs, and sex.

If your teen has shown himself to be vulnerable in these areas, you might want to restrict him from attending parties until he shows more self-control and responsibility.

If the party is being held in your home, my advice would be: Children under the legal drinking age will quench their thirst by sipping soft drinks. For youngsters of legal drinking age, you might want to allow some beer or wine, depending on your own judgment and the prevailing circumstances.

Also, if young teenagers will be around, do not leave home. You need to make sure that things run smoothly. Many parents prefer to keep themselves discreetly occupied filling up the dishes and getting clean glasses.

For older teenagers, consider moving to another part of the house.

Other ground rules that you should establish with your adolescent are:

No uninvited guests.

Open houses are likely to attract groups of older teens, who have different ideas about how to have fun, with alcohol, marijuana, and sex.

No behaviour that you wouldn’t allow under non-party conditions.

No wandering around the house – confine the party to specific rooms.

Set a reasonable curfew. Nobody should be allowed to drink and drive.

Experimenting with kissing and so forth is quite common at this age. The kissing is more social than sexual, and when a group of teens knows that you are in the house, there is less chance that a couple will go too far.

Turning off the lights is not a good idea. Allow dim lighting from the start.

When a party is showing signs of getting out of control, the host parents should step in immediately.

If the party is being held away from your home, be clear about expectations and consequences. You should know exactly:

Where your adolescent is going and with whom.

That adults will be present.

When the event is scheduled to start and finish.

How your adolescent plans to get there and back.

Insist on your child not travelling in a car with a driver who has been using drugs or alcohol.

Have a back-up plan. Ensure that your teen has a way to back out at an unruly gathering if he needs to. He must be able to call you if he needs to leave the party early.

Ensure that your teen knows that there will be consequences if he/she violates basic rules. He/ she will lose some privileges. He/ she may even be banned from attending parties for a while.

Your child is likely to fare best if you can stay involved, connected and compassionate.

Trust him/her, but don’t be in denial about the seamy side of parties.

Dr Anand Ramphal is an umhlanga-based educational psychologist and career counsellor.