‘Baywatch’ falls short on plot, delivers on biceps

2.5/5

WHEN it was announced that would be revived in the form of a movie this year, fans of the popular ’80s-’90s television series were giddy with excitement.

Unfortunately, has been reduced to not much more than a light-hearted comedy, with a few action scenes, a lot of focus on sleaze, sexual objectification, and life on the beach.

The film has some unnecessary crude moments which were intended to be funny, but the execution was lacking.

The film depicts a few action-packed moments depicting unrealistic and bizarre plot points that the TV series was known for, but even with some of the “old”, the “new” is all over the place.

is a film that seems confused and is uninspiring as far as comedy goes. But if we were honest, no one watched – the series – for a gripping narrative and riveting acting performances. We liked it because of what it was; unrealistic scenes, cheesiness, and, of course, scantily clothed men and women, bouncing bums, boobs and glistening biceps.

Dwayne Johnson is the Hasselhoff substitute, playing main-man lifeguard Mitch Buchannon. Zac Efron is party boy Matt Brody, a former pro swimmer whose hangover antics win him the nickname “the Vomit Comet”.

Jon Bass, is the unfunny tubby horndog Ronnie, who rather than play the role as comedic relief brings the sleaze element to the crew.

As for the three women lifeguards, played by Alexandra Daddario (Summer Quinn), Kelly Rohrbach (CJ Parker) and Ilfenesh Hadera (Stephanie Holden), each is beautiful with model perfect figures, but sadly portray themselves as only that.

The antagonist, Victoria Leeds, played by Bollywood actress, Priyanka Chopra, unravels a dubious plot where she is a villainous businesswoman and nefarious drug dealer who has been running her “floating” drug cartel near Baywatch’s protected shores.

The film takes place in Emerald Bay, Florida, a beautiful beach town populated entirely by residents who have no idea how to swim.

These sunscreen-covered folk readily fling their bodies into the sea, often crashing their skulls into the ample jagged rocks lining the shore. But have no fear! Mitch and his lifeguard patrol are always ready to save the day. Though it must be asked, since the film stops to question itself so often, how is it the drug dealers are so careless that little baggies of their wares keep washing up on the beach?

has a script that’s trying too hard to be ironic and self-aware, landing itself in a strange no man’s land of beach puns and simple dialogue.

The film is all R-rated dialogue and genital jokes with wishy-washy humour, necrotic body fat insecurities and short of any depth.

Even if the plot was intentionally only silly, it would have satisfied more as a type of spoof flick.