Help your teen find their focus

The run-up to the end of the year can be very stressful for teenagers as they prepare to write their end-ofyear exams, particularly matrics as they prepare for their finals. How can parents and other caregivers and role models help?

We share these pointers from

Netcare Akeso psychologist Chris Kemp.

Younger children will tend to want you to provide a solution to tackle a problem. As a parent, you may be used to playing a strong guiding role in these situations, but this can change as a child naturally wants to try find their own way in their teen years. At this point, your role becomes more supportbased, and while this can feel scary for many parents, it is a natural progression.

A useful phrase to keep in your back pocket is: “I know you are under pressure, what can I do to support you?” This puts a positive, constructive frame on the conversation, while reassuring your teen that their experience is being validated by you.

Here are pointers for parents to remain engaged with their children and support them as their high school career unfolds:

Set realistic goals

Perfectionism is associated with depression.

Helping your child to set realistic goals throughout the year will give them a greater sense of achievement and help them to stay motivated so they don’t feel like a disappointment to themselves or to you when in fact they are progressing well.

It can be worth expressing your expectations to them and letting them know you do not expect perfection.

Be okay to sit with them in emotional discomfort

Learning how to cope with stress and pressure is an important life skill, so you need to help your child express their feelings around this. Most often, adolescents simply want to be heard – you can do this by telling them you understand how they feel instead of quickly moving past it or comparing it to your own stress levels, as this can push them away.

Provide a sense of agency

Giving your child a sense of agency and responsibility is likely to result in them feeling more motivated and engaged.

Encourage them to consider what they want their life to look like in the future and what goals they need to reach at school to achieve that, with the understanding the responsibility lies with them.

If you are concerned that their career choice is not realistic, help them to realise that ideas can change and that having a solid backup plan can only benefit them.

Encourage social balance

While academic marks are important and give your child a foot in the door, this needs to be balanced with the development of social skills for them to achieve overall success in life.

You want a child who can maintain academic focus and who can also function well in a team, form relationships and alliances, impress in an interview, and so on.

Be aware of marks as an emotional distress signal

A sudden dip in academic performance can often be an indicator that something is wrong and needs addressing.

Changes in sleep and eating patterns are likewise possible red flags for an emotional problem.

Start the conversation with a non-threatening approach by gently asking if anything is wrong. It may take a little time for them to open up and it’s important they feel ready to do so.

If they are unwilling to talk to you, tell them it’s OK but that you would like to arrange for them to speak to someone else, such as a counsellor, because you want them to feel supported and to get the help they need.