Essential relationship maintenance tips

There needs to be a commitment to support each other throughout the relationship, writes relatonship expert Paula Quinsee.

Just as children mimic their parents’ behaviour, so do employees mimic the leadership behaviour in the organisation. Parents set the tone by which the family functions while leaders set the tone for the corporate culture, values, vision and mission.

The basic principles are the same, the key difference is personal relationships are more emotionally charged as they are driven by romantic love, while in the workplace we are driven by love for the organisation we work for, our colleagues and being valued for the contribution we make.

We review our work relationships in terms of performance appraisals, performance reviews, deliverables and targets but very seldom do that in our personal relationships. My book, Embracing Conflict, helps us understand how marriages are like business relationships and what we can do to be successful in both.

Communication is key in all relationships. In fact 90% of all problems in any relationship, personal or professional, are due to the lack of communication. This is either what is not being said or what’s not being heard, for fear of being judged or being criticised or being dismissed or not being taken seriously.

When the space doesn’t feel safe between two people there is very little sharing or honesty because we are protecting ourselves on an emotional level. It is therefore very important to focus on your communication, your listening, hearing and understanding versus listening to respond or to prove a point or get the upper hand.

If you don’t make time for your relationship, over time you won’t have a relationship. Date nights are an effective way to do this. Date nights don’t have to be at night. It’s about how can you use that time to be fully present for your partner and talk about the deeper, really meaningful things.

Spending time with your partner also forces you to see things from their perspective. Both partners are equally responsible for keeping this space safe between them.

I suggest finding 15 minutes each day when you can really connect with each other. It takes two to build a relationship and it takes two to hold each other accountable. There needs to be a commitment to support each other throughout the relationship and unfortunately this is where a lot of couples come unstuck.