Hit the road, Learner

Danie Toerien

So the other day I was subjected to a real test of patience. There I was, driving along minding my own business, when I noticed that the car up ahead was moving at a snail’s pace. Pedestrians were overtaking it, it seemed.

Then I saw the explanation: a giant red L on the back of the car with a uniformed passenger clutching a clipboard next to the driver.

With no opportunity to overtake, I was stuck. We were now two cars crawling along.

Watching the officer giving directions and ticking off the boxes, I realised the insanity of it all. Cyclists were laughing as they passed.

Within a few minutes we were about five cars in centipede-formation with still no sign of a spot to overtake. And with every stop sign the centipede grew longer. It seems there really is a 27-point checklist to be ticked off in sequence at every crossing.

Some of the drivers at the back of the snail caravan were getting agitated. Unaware of the red L and the uniformed passenger, they must have thought they were victims of a protest. Hooters were honked, middle fingers were compared. I put on my hazards. So did the driver behind me. Talk about a chain reaction. We now looked like a funeral procession.

Then I saw the uniformed arm make a gesture. Left at the next stop? The indicator came on. O hallelujah!

I moved slightly to the right. So did the driver behind me. And the one behind him. The caravan got the message. Stop. 27-point checklist. Slowly to the left. Slowly. And the road ahead was clear. Suddenly the snail caravan jumped to life. It looked like the start of the Indy 500. Five cars next to each other, revving, swerving, dicing. The safety car was off and we let rip.

It is general knowledge that South Africans are notoriously bad drivers. The road accident statistics don’t lie. Watching a driver take a real live licence test, I now know why.

Surely there is no point in testing a person’s driving ability on a single lane, tree-lined suburban road, and then giving them a licence to hit the highway, after dark, at 120km/h the next day?

Really.