Be afraid, Cruise is back
CONVOLUTED: 18 YEARS LATER, REBOOT MISSES THE MARK
Dull characters make this Mummy a snoozefest.
When I think mummy, I think horror. The latest reboot of The Mummy didn’t disappoint in that regard. The eerie figure of someone looking for eternal youth, the creepy way the figure moves on screen, the sullen way his face moves ... Tom Cruise scared the bejesus out of me, meaning that
The Mummy could be labelled a success on the horror front.
I remember 1999’s version with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weiss. At 12, it was a big deal that my parents allowed me to watch this horror-action-comedy-adventure. Mom sat next to me, so don’t come to me with your ideas of responsible parenting – it definitely wasn’t that movie that mucked me up.
I remember as we watched the 12 plagues of Egypt on screen and South African actor Arnold Vosloo go from grim mummy with grey flesh to beefy hunk after consuming soul after soul. Popcorn entertainment at its best – and the kind of film that makes any 12-year-old leap from their seat. It was neatly wrapped entertainment with a clear beginning and end – almost as neat as the bandages on mummies in museums.
I’m afraid today’s 12-year-olds will be missing out on the sheer joy of that sort of blockbuster entertainment because 18 years later, the retelling of The Mummy is just as hollow as a mummified corpse.
This poorly bandaged attempt at reviving an old favourite fails miserably and it’s easy to theorise why. All the ingredients were there for it to be successful: nostalgia, a fun story and, if you’re from a certain generation, Tom Cruise, who’s supposed to be one of the foremost action stars.
So why does this The Mummy fail? Cruise should take a lot of blame. He’s just so dull compared with guys like Chris Pratt who, like Brendan Fraser from 1999’s film, manages to be a full-blown action star with mega wit and a ton of muscle. Cruise is a mumbling fool trying too hard. But it’s not all his fault: in the latest instalment, the mummy possesses Cruise and he battles the good and evil inside himself. It’s overdramatised hogwash that leads him to overacting, rather than enjoying, the role. It’s at times painful to watch.
Also starring is Russell Crowe as Dr Henry Jekyll. Yes, you read
right. Jekyll – need I say more? It’s a distraction leading you to wonder who thought out the plots. Had there just been a few glorious action scenes it might have saved it from being dried out but in the end, there’s nothing to save us. Rather go and see Wonder
Woman. This redo is a redon’t.